Facing the Inevitable
by NickyK
Summary: After things go horribly wrong in the diner, Director Jenny Shepard makes plans to spend the rest of her days in seclusion. Just a slightly different ending then the JD episode. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Title: Facing the Inevitable

Author: NickyK

Summary: After things go horribly wrong in the diner, Director Shepard decides to live out the rest of her days in seclusion. A different ending for my favorite couple. Please review and enjoy!

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own any of this. Just borrowing.

**A/N**: JD left me feeling incomplete. In that episode there was no scenes between Jenny and Gibbs, no last minute messages to Gibbs (she didn't know if Franks would make it out of there alive either from my understanding), no nothing. I wanted to give them closure. I apologize in advance for any errors. I hope you enjoy and bare with me please--I'm going for strong emotions in this one and hopefully I can pull it off! Reviews are always welcomed!

Chapter 1

The first time she woke her limbs refused to cooperate. She couldn't see anything but a wall of blackness, but then, she wasn't entirely certain that her eyes were open either. Her entire body felt weighed down and exhausted. Consciousness only lasted mere seconds before she was forced to retreat back into the darkness.

The second time she woke, she could hear machines beeping and muffled voices speaking just beyond her hearing. She tried to pry her eyes open but found, once again, she lacked the energy to do so. She would have given into the panic that surged through her but that also was too much of an effort. She didn't understand why she couldn't move, didn't understand why her body felt so weak and her thoughts were just a jumbled mass of confusion.

She tried to concentrate on opening her eyes to no avail. She whimpered, or at least she thought she did. She really couldn't tell. The voices moved closer, however and warm hands touched her arms. Through the grogginess in her head she heard a voice whisper, tender in its urgings, for her to calm down and rest. Don't fight it, Jennifer, the voice told her and idly she wondered if that was her name. She knew the voice, trusted it enough that she stopped trying to escape the paralysis that held her captive and once again gave into the darkness that always seemed to be lurking in the background.

* * *

Ducky sighed, watching carefully to make sure Jenny was indeed sleeping. It surprised him that she had even been alert after the intensive surgery she'd just went through, not to mention the number of drugs pumping through her system. He glanced over at the attending physician, waiting patiently for the man to finish his exam. Dr. Goodman smiled slightly at Ducky as he reached for her chart to record his notes.

"Ms. Shepard is a lucky woman," Dr. Goodman commented.

"Indeed," Ducky agreed, looking down at her still figure.

"She's going to be down for a while, however. As you know, her immune system is already compromised and these wounds haven't helped matters. The surgery was touch and go but she's a fighter, this one," Dr, Goodman noted grimly. "Her current injuries," he continued on a sigh, " will need to heal before she can start the radiation treatments. There's no way she can return to work anytime soon."

"I don't believe returning to work was in her plans," Ducky said quietly, still gazing down at the woman he considered a good friend.

Dr. Goodman frowned. "Had she already made arrangements to begin the treatments?" He consulted his notes. "I spoke with both her physician and oncologist and neither mentioned anything about her starting…."

Ducky shook his head at the man. "No, no that's not what I meant." Ducky paused. " Let's step outside, shall we?"

Dr. Goodman nodded, understanding that the older man didn't want to continue discussing the patient where she could wake up and overhear them. As unlikely as that seemed with all she'd been through, it was still a possibility. Dr. Goodman returned the chart to its station and proceeded Dr. Mallard out the door, waiting for it to close behind them before they began.

Dr. Goodman stuffed his hands into his coat pockets and faced Ducky. "I'm sorry, Dr. Mallard, I guess I don't understand." Although Jenny's ward was nearly empty , Dr. Goodman kept his voice low.

Ducky met the confused doctor's gaze, his voice equally low as he spoke. "Director Shepard hadn't planned on taking the treatments at all, Dr. Goodman."

"Not taking the treatments?" he repeated, still not quite comprehending. Ducky just stared at the man and knew the instant he understood. "My God, but that would mean…" His voice trailed off as his eyes darted through the window, staring incredulously at the woman lying in the bed. front of them. "Dr. Mallard, are you sure? Does she understand the severity of that decision?"

Ducky, too, faced the window, watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she slept. His heart swelled with sorrow at the inevitable.

"Yes," he said finally, answering the doctor's question, " I'm afraid she does."

* * *

Jenny awoke hours later feeling much more alert than before. She opened her eyes finding herself in a hospital room and for a moment she was confused as to how she got there. Her gaze swept around the room, a thin beam of light shining through the window in the door illuminated the darkness. A figure sat slouched over in a chair beside her bed. She blinked again, trying to get her eyes to focus more clearly, puzzled to see that it was Dr. Mallard hutched over in the chair. She tried to sit up, only to be stopped by the IV drip in her arm and a jarring pain in her lower abdomen. She gasped; the soft noise loud in the quietness of the room was enough to rise Ducky from his slumber.

The elderly man appeared at her side rather quickly, she thought, considering the awkwardness in which he was resting. Another twinge of pain hit her and she shifted in discomfort.

"Ah, Director, you're awake. How are you feeling, my dear?" asked Ducky, his gentle eyes studying her.

"Not so good," she croaked, her voice low and scratchy.

"Well some discomfort is to be expected. How about some water. Can you raise your head a bit?" he asked, holding a plastic cup with a straw up to her.

Jenny did as he asked taking care not to move too much. Her dry lips covered the straw and she sipped the lukewarm liquid, its wetness soothing her parched throat and mouth. She wet her lips and smiled her thanks to Ducky as she lowered her head wearily back down to the bed. "What happened?" she asked .

Ducky hesitated knowing some memory confusion was normal after being unconscious. "What do you remember?"

"I…," she paused, not sure what she was going to say. Jenny closed her eyes, trying to search her memory. Which was not an easy feat. "I'm not sure. It's foggy." she said. "I remember a funeral. Ziva and Tony were there on detail." She frowned. "I lost them or I….sent them away, I think. It's all very vague."

Ducky patted her hand. "I'm sure it'll come back to you. Just relax and don't push yourself."

Jenny didn't think she could do much else but try to relax. She wasn't feeling her most energetic. In fact she was feeling pretty awful. But something was there, nagging at her, hiding just beyond her reach. She closed her eyes willing the memory to come to her. She knew it was important and was almost positive it had something to do with Jethro. She'd yet to end up in the hospital and not have him be there with her giving her disapproving looks. Unless….

"Jethro!" she exclaimed. Her eyes snapped open and connected with Ducky's. Fear raced through her and she tried once again to rise but this time was stopped by Ducky's firm hands on her shoulders gently pushing her back down onto the bed. "Where's Jethro, Ducky?"

"Jethro's fine. And you have to stop trying to get out of bed. You're going to pull out your stitches."

"Stitches?" she said frowning, trying to place the word in her ever growing sense of dread. Then as if a switch had been turned on in her brain, she remembered.

Her illness.

The funeral.

Sending her detail away.

Calling in Franks.

The diner.

The diner?

Oh my god!

Her hand shot out, gripping Ducky's shirt with surprising strength. Fear laced her words as she spoke. "Where's Jethro, Ducky? Is he safe? Please tell me he's safe?"

"Director, you've got to calm down. You've just went through a very intensive surgery," he said, taking hold of her hands, trying to ease her back down on the bed. "You're going to have a relapse."

Jenny held on, albeit not as tightly. "Ducky please. I need to know he's okay."

"As far as I know, Jethro is fine. He's wrapping up a case. Your case," he informed her.

"My case," she repeated releasing her hold on Ducky.

"Yes. And I'm sure he'll be here at the first opportunity."

"Then he knows," she whispered quietly. She let her hands fall back to the bed.

"Yes, my dear. He knows," confirmed Ducky. From the look he gave her and the tone of his voice, Jenny knew he was referring to more than just the case she was working off the grid.

"Now, you've got to calm down and stay still or I'm afraid I'm going to have the nurse give you a sedative." Ducky warned her sternly.

Jenny nodded, exhausted now that the fear had eased. Still, she didn't want a sedative and she knew Ducky would follow-through with his threat. There were so many unanswered questions rattling around in her head. Where was Jethro now? She knew he would be angry, not only with her but with Mike Franks as well. She wondered how much Franks had told Gibbs. She'd revealed more of herself to Franks in a 24-hour period than she'd revealed to anyone. But Jethro was the reason she did it. She'd put up with Franks' probing questions, had even shrugged away his invasive snooping into her purse, discovering her illness in the process. She'd endured it because…well, because she hadn't expected to come out of that abandoned diner alive. Franks had understood that. He knew what Jenny expected of him; protect Jethro and give him closure if and when he needed it.

_Obviously things didn't go as planned,_ she thought_._ For one, she was still alive and Jethro was finishing what she'd started. Jenny knew that with her injured on a rogue mission with only Mike Franks as her back-up, Jethro would have demanded a step by step replay from Franks of everything she and he said and did while together. She had no doubt Mike Franks would deliver.

The door opened and Jenny's heart leaped into her throat while she waited for her visitor to be revealed. She felt a rush of relief at the sight of a man in a white coat enter the room. Dealing with Jethro was just not something she could handle right now. Jenny assumed the man was the doctor attending to her, which was confirmed a moment later as he picked up her chart and conferred with Ducky.

He gave her a brief smile. He took a pen out of his pocket and made a note on her chart before turning to her.

"Hello Ms. Shepard." he greeted. "I'm Dr. Goodman. I was your attending when you were brought in." Dr. Goodman leaned over Jenny and shined his light in her eyes quickly before checking her bandages. " It's good to see you awake. You gave us quite a scare. Your vitals look good but you're going to have to take it easy for a while. I'm going to get the nurse to come in and redress your bandages and check your blood pressure. All things considered, you're doing quite well," he told her. "Do you have any questions for me?

Jenny had lots of questions but he wasn't the one she needed to ask. She shook her head, feeling the weariness sneaking back upon her. Dr. Goodman made more notes on her chart, delivered more instructions and left the room. Jenny and Ducky were once again alone. Her eyes were starting to droop but she had one question that she needed answered now.

"Ducky?" she called out weakly.

"I'm here, Director?"

"What am I doing here?" Her voice was low, her strength nearly depleted.

Ducky frowned. "What do you mean?"

Jenny swallowed, fighting to stay awake. "I wasn't suppose to survive. I shouldn't have survived," she whispered vehemently. "So why am I still alive?"

TBC

**A/N2: I know the name of Jenny's illness was never clearly stated so I've decided to just make it an advance form of bone cancer. I am not a medical person so all medical references are going to be pretty vague. But I will do as much research as possible to make it believable. Any suggestions/help/advice is welcome but please be nice about it.**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you all who have read/review. It was pointed out to me in one of the reviews that Jenny's condition was clarified, which I obviously missed, but since I started it with the advance bone cancer, I can't change it mid-stride so we're going with that for the purposes of this story. But thanks for the clarification! This is short, I know, but I'm off to work now and wanted to post before I left so here you go. Enjoy!

Chapter Two

Dr. Mallard stood in the room the Director of NCIS currently occupied at the naval hospital in Los Angeles. He stared morosely out the second floor window facing the parking lot. Not a particularly fascinating sight, yet he watched as in a trance as the healthy, the sick and the in between scurried to and fro, carrying vases or pushing wheelchairs. The world outside the window was gray this morning; it's overcast skies and billowing clouds promising rain at any moment. It was a gloomy day and an apt reflection of his current frame of mind.

He raised his hand to the bridge of his nose, lifting his glasses slightly off his face. A heavy sigh escaped him as he finally turned away from the window to study the woman lying in the hospital bed just a few feet away. He found himself doing that a lot lately. Studying her-taking in every beautiful feature that made up Jennifer Shepard. She looked peaceful lying there so still. Even with all the machinery around her, monitoring her every breath, every heartbeat, she still looked radiant to him. He gave a wistful smile as he sat in the chair next to her bed, wishing with all his might that he could freeze time. He'd find a cure and live out the rest of his days content in the knowledge that she was living them too. But if wishes were horses, he thought sadly, remember a saying he'd heard many times as a young boy.

A sadness settled over him, so deep and heavy he literally slumped in the chair. There would be no happily ever after for Jennifer Shepard. Especially if she had her say, he thought angrily as he recalled their conversation hours before she'd taken a turn for the worse.

"_Why am I still alive?"_

_It was a frightening disturbing question and it floored him. Not so much the question itself; it was a natural question for someone who believed they would be facing imminent death - not so much why as to how. But she seemed….let down, as if someone had failed her. _

"_Ducky?"_

_He realized she was still waiting for an answer, fighting off the grogginess as long as she could._

"_All I know, Jennifer, is that when Tony and Ziva found you, you were alive. Barely," he added. "They did what they could until the paramedics arrived and a medical helicopter flew you to the naval hospital here."_

"_How," she paused to lick her dry lips. Ducky reached for the water, lifting her head carefully for her to reach the straw. She gave a weak smile of thanks and closed her eyes. Ducky had thought she'd fallen asleep until she spoke again._

"_How…you get here?"_

_He smiled softly. "Gibbs arranged for me to come with him. Once he heard you were injured and taken to the hospital he wanted someone familiar with you."_

"_Keep…him…informed…more…likely."_

_Ducky chuckled quietly. "Yes, I suspect that is the case." That was part of it. Jethro was concerned and per orders from Assistant Director Vance, he was to report directly to the crime scene. Gibbs had wanted someone to be with her when she woke and to stay with her to make sure she was protected. He also knew Ducky would provide him with regular updates, something he wouldn't get from the regular staff. _

_He could see her losing the battle to stay awake. "Rest my dear. There will be plenty of time to talk later." He'd patted her hand and began to walk over to sit in the away ._

"_Ducky," she rasped out, "if…something happens…don't….save…m" her voice trailed off as she finally lost the battle to stay awake. _

Her words had shaken him but he dismissed them, convincing himself that he had misunderstood. Surely, she wasn't asking him to let her die? Not only did he not have any control over her care, he wouldn't dare deny her the right to life. For her to even suggest such a thing….

No, thought Ducky, he couldn't have heard her correctly.

In hindsight, it was like she knew that something wasn't right. Several hours later, all the bells and whistles started going off at once, jarring him out of a fitful slumber as he slept on a cot provided by the hospital when they realized he wasn't leaving. Nurses and Doctors converged on the room, calling out to each other as they worked to figure out what the problem was and to get her stable. He'd watched helplessly as she was rushed back to surgery soon after, her words replaying in his head over and over again.

It had been two days since that fateful night. Jenny had been in and out of consciousness since then, mostly out. Ducky refused to feel guilty. In fact, he felt darn angry that she would even consider that he would stand by and watch her die if he could prevent it. He wasn't in charge of her care, he was only allowed to be there in an observatory role. But even if he were in charge, no doctor in their right mind would let a patient die if there was the slightest chance he could save her. It was ludicrous.

Ducky took a deep breath and turned back toward the window. He needed to calm down. His anger was out of place. He knew that if Jennifer Shepard wasn't facing months of pain ahead of her, she would never have said such a thing. A quick death by any other means, at least in her mind, would be much more preferable than waiting around in agony for it to come.

Ducky rubbed his eyes again, feeling the tiredness creep through his bones. He yawned loudly, letting the sound express his despair.

"You should go to the hotel, Duck. Get some rest," a voice said quietly from the doorway.

Ducky spun around. Gibbs entered the room. He looked almost as tired as Ducky felt. His eyes were sunken and bloodshot and his face haggard. He needed a shave and about 24 hours of rest.

"You don't look so good yourself, Jethro. Have you gotten any sleep?"

Gibbs shrugged. "A bit," he said moving further into the room. "Any change?" he asked the medical examiner as his eyes studied Jenny.

Ducky shook his head. "I'm afraid not."

Their voices were quiet, almost hushed in the solemn atmosphere of the room. Their gazes settled upon Jenny, both consumed by their own thoughts of a woman who didn't deserve her fate.

"What happened, Ducky? I thought she was awake?"

"She was briefly," Ducky confirmed. "Dr. Goodman checked her vitals and she was doing well. A little tired naturally. She could barely keep her eyes open. Later, however, she relapsed and they had to take her back to surgery." The good doctor thought it best to omit the part about his conversation with Jenny; he didn't need to provide all the details. Jethro looked like he was barely standing as it was.

Gibbs lifted his hand and gently brushed little scrapes of hair out of her face. He wanted to touch her more but was afraid to do so. He pulled his hand back and walked angrily to the chair, sinking down into it. He leaned over, his elbows on his knees, his hands clenched into fists in front of him.

"Dammit Duck," he exclaimed. "I just…I just don't understand why this happened. Why didn't she call me? Why Franks? Huh? Why didn't she let Tony and Ziva know what was going on? They could have helped her, protected her. What the hell was she thinking?" He stood up and paced the room, his movements jerky. Frustration lined his features as he ran his hand over his face. He stopped suddenly, staring at Jenny's still form lying on the bed.

"Why didn't you call me, Jen?" he whispered and Ducky could have wept at the anguish in his voice.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Finally an update! Sorry it took so long guys but I rewrote this chapter 3 times and I'm still not completely happy with it but I need it to move the story along. So, please read and review...I'd like to know what you think. Also, a big THANK YOU to all of those who have read/reviewed this story. Again, I am my own proofreader so please excuse any errors. Enjoy!

Chapter Three

Jenny woke with a start, a scream lodged in her throat. Wide, terror-filled eyes darted about the darkened room, searching the shadows for signs of danger. Her pulse racing, she leaned back against the pillows, closing her eyes as she tried to catch her breath. Sweat coated her body and she shivered in the sudden coolness of the room. She pulled at the sheets only to find them tangled around her legs. She shivered again, her hands trembling as she unwound the sheets to cover her chilled body. Taking a shaky breath, she closed her eyes willing the fear to subside and her heart rate to return to normal.

The nightmares had begun after she'd woken from her second round of surgery. They were all the same- she alone in the diner, gunmen approaching fast. She had no weapons to defend herself, no way to fight back…she was helpless. As fear logged in her chest, the bullets started flying. There was no place to hide, no place to run too. The gunmen kept getting closer and closer but she couldn't see them clearly. She felt pain but not the hot, searing pain from a bullet but an excruciating pain deep within. As the gunmen grew nearer their faces became clearer. They all had the same face. It was Gibbs. She screamed.

She heaved a trembling sigh as the image of him surrounding her, firing at her repeatedly rose up again. The nightmares seemed to be getting more frequent. They always left her unsettled and wondering if her subconscious was trying to tell her something. But for the life of her she couldn't image what. Mindful of the wires attached to her, she carefully lifted her hand to rub at her temples, trying to erase the pictures in her head. She was restless. Usually after a nightmare that bad she would walk, pace, something. It was extremely frustrating being stuck in a hospital bed, not able to get up on her own and move about. She couldn't believe that it had been nearly two weeks since she'd gotten shot.

Longer since she'd seen Jethro.

The thought came out of nowhere but if Jenny were honest with herself, she would admit he was never far from her mind-nightmares not included, of course. She knew from Ducky that he'd been to see her. She'd been out of it at the time. Now that the case was officially over they'd been ordered back to Washington and she hadn't heard from him since. Ziva and Tony had come by to see her, make sure she was okay. Jenny had been exhausted at the time and could barely remember what was said. She missed them. It actually surprised her how much. Aside from the occasional call from Assistant Director Vance and SecNav and well, the guard outside her door, she hadn't spoke to anyone else from NCIS. She didn't know what was going to happen now. Jenny hadn't considered would happen next because she hadn't thought there would be a next. Returning to work was not an option. She was weak enough as it was and Dr. Goodman pretty much assured her that her condition will only get worse.

Jenny grunted.

As if she didn't already know that.

Her thoughts immediately turned back to the diner and the reason she was there, which inevitably led her to back to thinking of Jethro. God, she missed him. The one time she'd asked Ducky about him his answer had been vague and Jenny got the feeling that he was uncomfortable discussing Jethro with her.

She lacked the energy to press the issue further, however, and came to the conclusion that it was probably for the best. Facing Jethro was hard enough before he knew about her illness. Now, that he did know, she didn't think she could stand to see the pity in his eyes. She had made her peace that day in the diner. She had been prepared to leave this world and accept the fate handed her. She'd said her goodbyes the moment she saw the men approaching the diner, had whispered her "I love you's" as the first bullet spiraled through the air and prayed he'd forgive her with the last conscious breath she took.

She hadn't given any other thought beyond that moment. There was not supposed to be an _after_. She had no excuses prepared; no reasons to convey to explain her actions. She had no plans to follow up on the regrets she'd shared with Mike that day. Surviving the diner incident didn't change the inevitable; it just delayed it.

Jenny shifted in bed, feeling the restlessness settling in her limbs. She had no idea when they were going to release her. Though she was still quite weak, she really felt fine. There was no need for them to know about the twinges of pain she'd been having. It would make them only want to keep her longer and she'd vowed she would not spend whatever time she had left in a hospital. Especially not a hospital away from the only home she knew.

She knew that Ducky had worried before he left that she was sinking into depression. She wasn't eating properly and had refused to have the curtains opened in her room and hadn't even wanted the television turned on. He had actually had Dr. Goodman put her on suicide watch. She'd overheard them speaking when they thought she was asleep. She was afraid of what that meant, so not wanting to be watched constantly or heaven forbid, strapped down, she forced herself to start eating and watching some t.v. She still didn't care if the curtains were opened but she allowed them to be if someone asked. She noticed they didn't check up on her so much anymore.

Jenny groaned as she felt a more pressing need making itself known. Per Doctor's instruction, she wasn't allowed to get out of bed on her own. That rule she couldn't get to change. Since she absolutely refused a catheter, she was supposed to ring for a nurse whenever the need arose. But depending on other people had never been her strong suit.

Jenny pushed the lever on the bed to raise her upper body higher. Unhooking the wires from their respective machines that kept her monitored, she pushed back the blankets, gauging the distance between her bed and the bathroom. Using her hands to lift her legs, she eased them, one at a time, over the side of the bed. She moved the IV stand closer, and scooted to the edge of the bed, pausing as she felt a twinge of pain. The exertion was tiring her out and for a moment her vision blurred, making her question if she really should be attempting this by herself. She blinked until her vision cleared and took a deep breath. Her feet landed on the cold tiled floor and she eased herself away from the bed, dragging her IV pole with her. She'd taken two steps when her door opened and Dr. Goodman stood frowning at her from the doorway.

"You were right Dr. Mallard. She is quite obstinate," he said moving further into the room, Ducky following closely behind him.

Jenny's eyes widened in surprise and a wide smile broke out on her face. "Ducky, what are you doing here?"

"Checking up on you, my dear. What, did you think we'd forgotten about you?" he teased, a twinkle in his eye.

Jenny leaned heavily on the pole. "I was beginning to wonder."

Although there was a teasing note in her voice, there was an element of truth to that statement. She'd understood mostly about not hearing from Jethro or his team but she didn't understand the silence from Ducky or even Abby for that matter.

"I'm going to get a nurse, Ms. Shepard. You should not have gotten out of your bed without assistance," said Dr. Goodman, disapproval evident in his tone.

Ducky chuckled at the sheepish look she gave the doctor. Dr. Goodman muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "save me from stubborn women" as he walked out the door.

Jenny gasped. "Did he just say…?"

Ducky chuckled. "Yes, I believe he did. I'd gotten to know Dr. Goodman a bit from the last time I was here and if I recall correctly, he has a pregnant wife at home who doesn't follow instructions well either."

Jenny snorted and Ducky hid a smile at her indignant expression.

"How have you been holding up, Director?" he asked as he led her to a nearby chair to await the nurse.

"Ducky, its Jenny, please. And I feel fine, just a little weak," she said.

"Hmmm," Ducky murmured, turning to peruse her chart. "Everything seems to be in order. You're still not 100 you know and the weakness isn't going to improve much, I'm afraid."

"I know," she said quietly from behind him.

He turned back to her, studying her face intently. "There isn't anything going on that you aren't telling the doctor about, is there?"

"No," she said quickly.

"Jennifer…."

"There isn't."

The door opened then and an older dark-skinned nurse came in followed by Dr. Goodman. She glowered good naturedly at Jenny. "I hear you need a little help in here, Ms. Jenny. Shame on you for not calling me."

Jenny smiled at the woman who'd taken her on like a personal project. "I know Gloria, I know. But you know me, I had to try it."

"You gotta stop being so independent and let somebody help you, chile," Gloria chided gently. "Now, come on and lets get your business taken care of so the doctors can check you out."

Gloria carefully helped Jenny stand and make her way into the bathroom. Once done, Gloria helped Jenny back to her bed, fussing over her and straightening the blankets. She thanked Gloria and promised to call if she needed anything else. Jenny settled back on the bed.

"Where's Dr. Goodman?" she asked Ducky who had an amused look on his face. Gloria's maternal treatment of her usually garnered that reaction, Jenny thought fondly.

"Oh, he got paged and had to go. He'll be back shortly."

"So Dr. Mallard, why wasn't I told you were coming? I spoke with Assistant Director Vance the other day and he didn't mention sending you out here."

Ducky grimaced, shifting his eyes away from hers. "That's because he didn't know I was coming."

"He didn't?" She looked at him quizzically. "Are you on leave Dr. Mallard?"

"Not quite."

Jenny sighed in frustration. "Ducky, why am I having to pull information out of you? What is going on?"

The elder man cleared his throat "Oh dear, I thought you knew."

Jenny gave him an exasperated look. "Knew what, Ducky?" she growled impatiently.

He sighed. "You're being moved to Bethesda tomorrow. NCIS has arranged for you to be flown back and I'm here to accompany you."

"What?" she exclaimed, not entirely pleased with the idea of being transferred to another hospital. She didn't want to be in a hospital at all. "This is the first I've heard of it. Wait, I thought you said Vance didn't know you were coming," she said as her confusion deepened. "Under whose authority is NCIS having me flown back to Washington?"

"That would be Special Agent Gibbs."

Her brows shot up. "Gibbs?"

Ducky nodded. "He wants you home, Director."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: **First, thanks to everyone who have read/reviewed. Its much appreciated! Secondly, I apologize sincerely for the long wait on this. My laptop went beserk and I couldn't get it to connect to the internet and this chapter was on my laptop. Finally I had to retype everything and my computer goes to the shop tomorrow. It has not been fun. Anyway, this part is short b/c I broke it up into two chapters. So enough of my rambling...here's the story.**

**Oh one more thing...please remember as you read on the summary for this story. So don't boycott it yet...give it a chance. Please**!

Chapter 4

Jenny was exhausted but sleep refused to come. She'd tried to sleep on the plane but her body was to wound up, her mind to active to let her rest. The doctor had wanted to give her something to help her sleep but she had declined, wanting to keep her mind clear. Now, as the car moved them closer to their destination, she wished she'd taken him up on his offer. She could use something nice and strong to knock her out for several days just so she wouldn't have to deal with her reality. She sighed inwardly, turning vacant eyes to look out the window. It was a beautiful sight; rows of lush green trees towering above them, lining the roads, welcoming all those seeking peace and tranquility. Occasionally, she could glimpse house or two tucked behind the large oaks, adding a bit more color against the sea of green. Where she was going couldn't be seen from the road, but she could picture it in her minds eyes, elegant in its design but practical for living. She'd loved this scenery when she was little and had enjoyed the drive immensely earlier in her adult years. But it all felt like a lifetime ago.

The car turned onto a gravel road, jarring her a bit and she grunted. Maybe she shouldn't have been so quick to turn down the offer of an ambulance either, she thought grudgingly.

"We're almost there, Director. Just a little bit longer."

She nodded, wishing he would stop calling her that. She was no longer the Director. She had faxed her resignation to SecNav before she left. By now, the title should officially belong to Vance, if he chose to accept it, which she had little doubt that he would. It was a great job, one she would miss very much.

After several more turns, the car finally pulled to a stop in front of a large log cabin. Jenny stared at its magnificence as memories of happier times flowed through her mind. It used to be just a vacation spot, a place to escape to when the world got to be too much; now it would be her permanent home for however many months she had left.

Not exactly the 'home' Ducky had in mind, she thought.

She was told to wait in the car while her entourage did what they needed to do. She had no problem with that. Although she was confident that they would find no threats; she was in no rush to enter into the life of exile she'd chosen for herself.

She saw Denny, her companion for at least a while, courtesy of SecNav himself, emerge from the house and nod to the doctor. Her driver came from the back and also gave the all clear. It was time. Jenny heard the trunk slam shut and waited for her door to open. The doctor leaned in and carefully took her arm, while Denny assisted with the other as they lifted her as gently as possible out of the car and eased her into the wheelchair. It took everything she had not to push them away from her and remind them that she was not an invalid. But she refrained, knowing in the months to come, she would be exactly that.

She was wheeled to the front of the house where a wide ramp had just recently been installed. Jenny stared at it with something akin to despair. The group was quiet as they proceeded up the ramp as if sensing her need for silence.

The house was more or less how she remembered. The décor was the same; however, some of the furniture had been moved to the side to allow the wheelchair to maneuver easily inside the home. The carpets had been replaced by linoleum floors and a seat lift had been installed on the stairs.

Everything she would need to make life a little bit easier in the coming months, she thought.

A sob nearly escaped her and Jenny clasped her hand over her mouth, embarrassed that she was about to have her first meltdown since she'd found out about her disease in front of virtual strangers. A hand rested on her shoulder and she took a moment to compose herself. Most likely she wouldn't need to use the lift or the wheelchair for several more months. Today was an exception because she was still so weak from her gun shot wounds that the need for the wheelchair was necessary. Jenny had tried to fight it by insisting that she was perfectly fine to walk out of the hospital of her own accord. Dr. Goodman had given her a bemused look and simply told her to go ahead, try it. Had she been thinking clearly she would have seen what he was doing. She'd gotten no father than five steps out of the room when her legs gave out on her.

The doctor kneeled down to her level. "I know you must be tired, so we're going to get you settled upstairs for right now. Or would you like something to eat or drink first?"

She shook her head.

"The nurse from the hospice should be here in about an hour and will help you with anything you need if you change your mind. The pantry and refrigerator have been fully stocked, by the way."

"Ok," she said quietly, her voice raspy from non-use. She was certain that was the first word she'd said since she'd left L.A.

They began to move toward the lift and Jenny followed their instructions on autopilot She didn't car about her independence at the moment; all she wanted was to climb into bed and be left alone. She wanted to close her eyes and sleep away this nightmare that she had stepped into. It was too much to hope for that she was too exhausted to keep her real nightmares away.

Once inside her room, only the doctor remained to help her undress and climb underneath the covers.

"Are you comfortable, Director?"

"Yes," she replied. It would take way more strength than she was capable of at the moment to correct him about her name.

"Good. I'm going to leave you to rest. I'll leave my number with your detail in case you need me but I don't foresee any immediate problems before the nurse arrives. You are not to get out of bed unassisted until I clear you, even if you think you feel strong enough," he said sternly and Jenny wondered if he'd been warned by Dr. Goodman about her tendency to not follow instructions.

"If you need anything, push this button." He pointed to a red circular button on the side of her bed. "It will sound an alarm downstairs to let them know you need help. I will be back to check on you in two days, unless I'm needed sooner."

Jenny smiled at him, knowing he was doing everything in his power to put her at ease. "Thank you, Dr. Waylan. I'm sure I'll be fine."

"Alright. Well in that case I'll take my leave." He started for the door and stopped suddenly. He turned around. "I almost forgot. The SecNav wanted me to give this to you." He handed her an envelope and this time he did leave, pulling the door close behind him.

Curious, Jenny opened the envelope and pulled out a thin sheet of paper. She unfolded it and was surprised to see the Secretary of the Navy letterhead.

_Jennifer,_

_I hope the trip from the hospital wasn't too hard on you. I just wanted to assure you that Dr. Waylan is one of the best doctors I know. He is very discreet and I can attest to the fact that he will take excellent care of you. As you are probably aware by now, your home has been updated with everything you will need to assist you in the coming months. If there are any problems, notify Denny and he will take care of it._

_I understand why you did what you did, Jenny, even if I don't agree with the way you handled it. I am disappointed that you did not inform me of your illness earlier; however, I will respect your wishes to keep your whereabouts confidential. Please remember if there is anything more I can do for you, all you ever have to do is ask. _

_You will be missed_

There was no signature. She didn't need one. She refolded the letter and placed it back inside the envelope, her movements almost mechanical. Suddenly cold, despite the warmth of the room, she pulled the blankets up around her and snuggled deeper into the bed. She turned her head to look out the window her eyes lifted to the sky as tears ran down her cheeks.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Another big round of thanks to those still reading/reviewing! Please forgive any errors. I tried to proofread as best I could.**

Chapter 5

Ducky had a headache. He didn't get headaches. Nor did he get knots of fear churning away at the lining of his stomach walls either, but well, there was a first time for everything. He couldn't recall the last time he had gotten physically ill at the thought of going to work. Except that time he'd been in such a rush that he'd forgotten to check the expiration date on some bad milk. He shuttered. That was very unpleasant. But it wasn't so much the thought of going to work as it was the knowledge of who would be waiting for him once he arrived

Ducky brushed sweaty palms against his legs. Might as well get it over with, he thought.

Ducky entered NCIS with a very heavy sigh. He stepped onto the elevator, not putting much stock in the fact that he wasn't accosted as soon as he'd entered it. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Ducky hesitated, poking his head out the door, his eyes darting back and forth down the short hallway. He exited the elevator and tipped toes his way down to autopsy. He felt like a fool but he couldn't stop from peeping around the doorway to see if anyone was waiting for him there.

"Looking for me, Duck?"

Startled, Ducky swirled around to see Gibbs walking up behind him. "Jethro, you know better than to sneak up on an old man like that."

"Didn't mean to scare you."

"Hmmm..." Ducky headed towards his office, gathering his wits about himself as he went. Dropping his bags on his desk he turned and almost ran into Gibbs.

"Must you do that?" he exclaimed exasperated.

Gibbs nodded. "Yeah."

"Really, Jethro. Your ability to sneak up on people never ceases to amaze me. Why, it reminds me of that time we were in-"

"Where is she Ducky?" Gibbs asked cutting him off.

"Ah, yes, straight to the point as usual," the Doctor mumbled. He sighed. "As I tried to tell you on the phone, Jethro, I don't know."

"What happened?"

Ducky's eyes shifted nervously away from Gibbs'. He frowned slightly, a distant look in his eyes as he recalled his visit to LA. "I'm not sure exactly. Jennifer was surprised to see me when I arrived at the hospital. I thought at the time it was because she hadn't been expecting me. Now, while I'm sure that may have been a small part of it, now I think there was more to it. Of course, you know what they say hindsight is 20/20." He saw the impatient expression on Gibbs' face and hurried on. "We talked about her health-her doctor came in to check her over and announced she was well enough to make the transfer. She asked about NCIS, your team in particular, wanted to make sure that everyone was adjusting to Assistant Director Vance. Well I guess that would be Director Vance now.

"Duck." Gibbs warned.

"Ah, yes," the Doctor said getting back on track. "That was really it, Jethro. When I left to go to the hotel she was in good spirits and wished me a good night." Ducky paused, his voice thoughtful. "I suppose had I been thinking clearly I would have been suspicious by the long goodbye hug she gave me. I mean, it was odd considering I would see her the next day."

"You think, Ducky?" Gibbs said bitingly. He rubbed hand over his face, trying to control his rising temper, reminding himself that it wasn't Ducky's fault. "Did she say anything about going anywhere or any place she wanted to visit? Did she make any calls? Have any other visitors beside you? Did she have any papers lying around, travel brochures...anything that looked out of place?"

The questions were fired rapidly and Ducky rolled his eyes.

"No, no, nothing like that lying about. I would think there is still enough of an agent in our Jennifer that she would know better than to leave evidence around for me to find, don't you Jethro?"

Gibbs clenched his jaw but didn't respond.

"I did leave her alone for a bit when I went to go check on the details for our leave so I supposed she could have made some calls then." Ducky looked at him and hesitated before adding. "She left me a note, Jethro."

Gibbs snorted derisively. "Yeah, that seems to be her m.o."

Ducky ignored the comment. "Would you like to read it?"

"I think I've read enough goodbye letters from Jen, Duck."

Sarcasm dripped heavily from the words but Ducky understood the hurt behind them. Although Gibbs had never given him specifics on why he wanted the Director flown home so quickly, Ducky knew him well enough to know that something was up. He wondered if Gibbs suspected the Director would do something like this all along.

Ducky fetched his briefcase and pulled out a white envelope with the LA hospital logo on it. "I think you should read it, Jethro," he said softly, his eyes kind and understanding.

Gibbs stared at the envelope in Ducky's hand for a long while, his fist clenching beside him. Ducky waited patiently, watching as Jethro sorted through the cluster of emotions he knew had to be going through him right then. He empathized with the younger man for he didn't think Jethro yet knew the extent of his feelings for their former Director.

Gibbs let out a growl of sorts, starling Ducky, before snatching the letter out of his hand. His anger at himself for giving in was clearly evident in the stiffness of his face. With forced movements, he pulled out the letter and read the words.

_Ducky,_

_I feel like a thief sneaking away in the middle of the night, leaving the way I am. I'm sorry for not telling you, but going home, back to Washington, was not an option for me. I don't belong there anymore. When I made my decision to stand my ground at the diner, I knew I would never see my home again and I accepted that. Nothing has changed, not in my mind at least. I need you, all of you-Abby, Tony, Tim, Ziva and Jethro- to think of me from time to time and remember me as a woman of strength, not as a victim to the disease in which my body will succumb. Please understand Ducky that I couldn't take that. I couldn't live like that. I'd rather you all hate me than to pity me._

_I know that Jethro believes that saying you're sorry is a sign of weakness and maybe that's exactly what I am; weak. But I am so sorry Ducky, sorry for the deception, sorry for making you keep my illness to yourself. I know it was difficult not to be able to confide in Jethro or even Abby for that matter; however, I do appreciate your discretion. _

_I must go now. I know that Jethro is probably furious with me, but if he should ask please relay that I am safe and that I'm sorry. For everything. I know that word doesn't sound like much but it's all I can offer. I can't tell you how much your friendship has meant to me over the years and I will miss you all dearly. Take care of yourself._

_Love Jenny_

_P.S. Watch out for him Ducky. Please._

Ducky observed the expressions cross Jethro's face as he read the letter and knew immediately when he'd gotten to the end. The doctor watched as Gibbs raised his hand, extending his fingers to gently trace over the letters.

"She was crying," Gibbs stated, his voice almost inaudible.

Ducky nodded, even though Jethro's eyes were transfixed to the paper in front of him.

"Yes, I came to that conclusion as well," Ducky said, recalling the small smear marks toward the end of the letter.

Gibbs cleared his throat. "Takes a lot for Jen to cry."

"I would imagine that this decision couldn't have been easy for her. She's leaving behind everything she knows." Ducky pretended not to notice the thickness in the agent's voice.

Gibbs looked up from the letter, his tortured eyes connecting with Ducky's. "How bad, Duck?'

The pain in Gibbs' voice made him hesitate. His first impulse was to protect Jenny. He was still a doctor and as such telling Gibbs anything about her condition would be breaking doctor/patient confidentiality.

But staring across the room at the man who was clearly worn out from the sheer weight of suppressing his emotions since the diner fiasco had happened, Ducky knew he couldn't refuse him. He lifted his eyes to the heavens and prayed that Jennifer would forgive him just this once.

"It's bad, I'm afraid," Ducky said sadly. "Right now, although I couldn't get her to admit it, she's probably feeling a great deal more pain. I mean, she's always felt some discomfort but the injuries from the shooting weakened her. Her immune system is fragile and she will need to be very careful in the coming months to avoid things that can make her sicker. She refused the treatment," he continued, disapproval clear in his voice. "So her pain will steadily worsen. Towards the end, she will probably be completely dependant on the medicines to help keep the pain to a tolerable level, However, at that point, she'll have so much medicine in her system, she won't even be aware of the world around her."

Gibbs swallowed hard. "What do you mean, she refused the treatment? There's a cure for this?"

"Not in the way you're thinking, Jethro," Ducky said, hating to quash the hope he saw flare up in the agents eyes, but knowing he had to set him straight. "Sadly, there is no cure. But there are steps one can take to fight it and send it into remission. In Jennifer's case, however, the disease has already begun to spread throughout her body. It's amazing that she's able to function as well as she is. The radiation treatments will only buy her a little more time before the pains takes over. Without them, she's going to suffer a lot sooner."

"Why would she choose to suffer alone, Ducky? It makes no sense," Gibbs said gruffly, fighting the urge to slam his fist into the wall.

"It does to her," Ducky offered. "She says it in her letter. She'd rather we hate her, than to pity her."

"That's ridiculous," the agent said heatedly.

"Then you need to find her Jethro and convince her that you feel far more for her than pity."

Ducky's voice was soft and kind. He saw the surprise flicker across his face, but he didn't deny the older man's words. The doctor nodded to himself as Gibbs looked up at him, meeting his eyes squarely. Ducky saw the resolve in his face and new Gibbs had mad a decision.

"Can you get Tim down here for a minute Ducky?"

"Of course," the doctor replied, turning away to give Gibbs time to collect himself before Tim arrived.

Which didn't take long, thought Ducky, as Tim strolled into the morgue mere seconds after Ducky had called him. That's the kind of reaction a summons from Gibbs causes, the doctor mused.

"You need me, Boss?" Tim directed the question to Gibbs.

"Yeah, McGee, I need you to find the Director."

"The Director, Boss?" McGee frowned in confusion. "Uh…he's in MTAC."

Gibbs reached up and slapped McGee on the back of the head. "Not that Director," he snapped irritably. "This one." Gibbs shoved Jenny's letter into McGee's hand. "And be discreet," he added and with a quick nod at Ducky, walked out the door.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks to all who have read/review. I know you've all been waiting for the reunion between our to favorite characters and IT'S FINALLY HERE! Yea! So enjoy!

Chapter 6

"Damn," Gibbs swore, slamming his phone down hard as another lead turned into a dead end on the case they were currently working. Startled, his team looked over at him but quickly looked away when they saw the murderous expression on his face. Gibbs ignored them as he swore again, picked up his phone and slammed it down several more times in a fit of frustration. He was getting damn tired of running into dead ends. He saw Tony and Ziva exchange looks and he was almost tempted to go over and wack them a good one on the back of the head but he restrained himself. It wasn't their fault he was in such a rotten mood.

Coffee. He needed coffee.

Gibbs stood abruptly, grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and headed for the elevator.

"Going somewhere, Boss?" Tony asked as he flew past his desk.

"Out," he snapped.

Tony stretched his head over his computer. "And if the Director should ask where you are?" the agent tried again.

"Tell him the truth, DiNozzo." Gibbs jabbed the button for the elevator impatiently.

"Uh…and what truth would that be, Boss?" Tony called out.

"You don't know," Gibbs answered simply before disappearing inside the elevator.

Gibbs ran his hand over his face, welcoming the quietness, however brief. He knew his team was worried about him. His threshold for patience had reached its limit a long time ago and he'd been pretty darn distracted, which was unusual for him. Tony, he knew, chalked his behavior up to the case they were working, where all the leads lead nowhere. Every suspect ended up dead or cleared and he was at his wits ends trying to figure out what the next step should be. Ziva was a little more suspicious than that but only McGee and Ducky knew the real reason behind his short temper and bad moods, which would explain why McGee was trying his best to stay out of Gibbs' way.

He didn't blame the kid; not for staying out of his way or for the lack of progress they were having in the search for Jenny. Where ever she'd disappeared to, she hid her tracks well. But it surely wasn't McGee's fault. Gibbs knew the young man was stumbling over himself trying to find out anything he could regarding Jenny's whereabouts. It was almost like she'd vanished into thin air. Gibbs scowled at the incredibility of that thought. He suspected that she had help in the form of the Secretary of the Navy and possibly their current Director, but he was hesitant to confront them. The last thing he needed was for the higher ups to throw more roadblocks in his way.

Then, of course, there was the other problem he and McGee faced. They could only work on their search for Jenny in between cases. A difficult thing to do since it appeared every murder in the DC area over the last month was apparently in NCIS jurisdiction. They'd solve one and another would be waiting in the wings for them to pick up. He and his team could use a break. Gibbs would deny it if asked but he almost wished the FBI would step in and take one or two off their hands.

"Talk about desperate," Gibbs muttered disdainfully to himself as he stepped out of the elevator and made his way out of the building.

He'd just reached the coffee café when he felt the first drops of rain. He looked up, surprised. He'd been so intent on his purpose that he hadn't even realized how dark and windy it had gotten. It was only mid-day but the swelling clouds hovered over the city, dark and ominous, promising to deliver one hell of a storm while dust and debris swirled around chasing each other in a endless circle.

Gibbs grunted, a perfect day to fit his perfectly sour mood.

He stepped inside the coffee house, ordered his drink and took it to a seat along the far wall. Despite the weather, pedestrian traffic was constant. He sat brooding, absently observing people walking through the door, while taking careful sips of the hot liquid. The door opened and Gibbs nearly choked on his coffee. His heart lodged in the vicinity of his throat when he saw her walk in. She had her back to him, talking on the phone, an umbrella posed in her left hand. Gibbs took her in- the hair, the stance, even the boots she wore- and was on his feet moving toward her before he knew it. It was insane, he knew that. Jenny wouldn't be here, now, talking casually on the phone. But the irrational side of him, the one that desperately wanted to find her, refused to see the obvious. He reached out a hand and touched her shoulder.

"Jen?"

The woman turned, lowering the phone as she looked at him. "No," she said flirtatiously, "but I could be."

She smiled at him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought that she was attractive enough but she wasn't Jenny--it wasn't Jen's smile, wasn't her eyes, and had he been more observant he would have noticed the hair color wasn't natural.

Disappointment slammed into him like a punch to the gut. He turned away without saying a word only to run right straight smack into a very wet Special Agent Timothy McGee.

McGee put his hands out nervously trying to keep both of them from falling. Gibbs scowled at the young agent as he brushed his hands away.

"Following me, Agent McGee?" Gibbs inquired in a tone that was far from kind.

"Uh, no Boss. I…uh… just thought this might be where you were."

Gibbs gave him a hard stare than turned and headed back to his table. McGee gulped and hurried after him.

Gibbs sat, his eyes focused once again on the door. He brought the cup to his lips but then sighed loudly when McGee just stood there. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Any particular reason, Tim or did you just miss my company?"

McGee paused, not quite sure how to answer that.

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Don't make me smack you McGee. What do you want?"

Gibbs remembered belatedly that he was supposed to be going easy on McGee considering the young agent was already beating himself up over his lack of progress on the search for Jen. But right now he just didn't have the patience to put words into action.

"I found her Boss," McGee said, a gleam of excitement in his eyes as sat opposite Gibbs. McGee reached in his wet jacket pocket and pulled out a small tape recorder with a folded damp sheet of paper.

Gibbs body went still. "Jen?"

McGee nodded.

"Putting that trace on Cynthia's phone paid off for us. She called about twenty minutes ago. I have the conversation on tape. Do you want to hear it?" McGee asked uncertain.

"Go on," Gibbs gestured impatiently.

McGee sat the small tape recorder in the middle of the table and pushed play. Gibbs unconsciously leaned forward.

"Director Vance's office," came the professional tones of Cynthia.

"Cynthia, it's Jenny"

"Jenny?" A pause and then, "Oh my gosh, Director Shepard, is that you?"

Gibbs could hear the smile in her voice as she said, "Not, Director anymore, I'm afraid. It's just Jenny."

"It's so good to hear your voice," Cynthia gushed and Gibbs had to agree with her. "Where are you? How are you? Are you okay?"

They heard Jenny chuckle at the rapid fire of questions and Gibbs felt his blood warm at the sound of it.

"I'm fine, Cynthia," Jenny replied. "How's my agency?"

He had to admit she did sound like she was in good spirits. The conversation continued and Gibbs felt the tension that had him so tightly wound up since she'd left slowly start to dissipate. God, he missed her, more than he'd thought possible. He found himself listening hard, trying to pick up any nuances to her voice that indicated she wasn't as fine as she wanted them to believe. The quality of the tape was good enough that he could hear every sigh, every labored breath she took and Gibbs knew immediately that the jovial front she was exhibiting was merely that; a front. There was a pause and Gibbs glanced up at McGee wondering if the tape had ended. McGee shook his head and after a moment, Jen spoke.

"Cynthia, how is…everyone?"

Something in Jenny's voice alerted Gibbs that she was asking an entirely different question. Cynthia must have picked up on it too because her voice lowered as she spoke. "Everyone seems to be doing fine for the most part. Work goes on as usual, you know. Bad temperament, long hours and a heavy caseload doesn't leave much time for personal interaction. You're missed, Dir…Jenny," Cynthia said sincerely, "by all of us."

"Thank you Cynthia. That means a lot too me."

Gibbs got the distinct impression that he'd missed something in that exchanged but couldn't figure out what. Not that he cared. All he cared about was finding Jenny. The call ended with the two women promising to keep in touch.

Gibbs was silent as the taped clicked off. McGee sat still opposite him, respecting the moment for what it was, waiting patiently, if a little awkwardly, for his Boss to make the next move.

Gibbs cleared his throat. "Where is she, McGee?"

McGee unfolded the small piece of paper he'd been holding and handed it to Gibbs. "I did a little more digging and it's a decent size cabin. Her father brought it several years ago but it was in the name of a Vivian Dubois."

"Jen's mother," Gibbs supplied softly, staring at the Montana address in wonder. "I don't remember her ever mentioning it."

"I…uh….took the liberty of looking up flights to Montana," McGee informed him after the silence had lagged on a little too long. He pulled another damp sheet of paper out of his pocket and headed it over to Gibbs. "I can get you a flight whenever you're ready Boss. Just say the word."

Gibbs looked up at McGee in surprise.

McGee fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair. "I get how much she means to you, Boss. I just wish I was able to find this information for you sooner."

"You did what you could, McGee and I appreciate that." Gibbs chugged down the rest of his coffee, grimacing as the lukewarm liquid slide down his throat. "I gotta go," Gibbs said rising.

"Oh. Uh, where to, Boss?"

"Home to pack. I've got a plane to catch tonight." Gibbs nodded at the young man. "Make it happen, McGee."

"Right, Boss," McGee agreed. "I'll call you with the details when I get back to NCIS. But what about the case?"

"Let Tony know he's in charge. You guys can handle it."

McGee nodded and nearly jumped out of his skin when Gibbs walked by and placed a heavy hand on his wet shoulder.

"Thanks, Tim. For everything," Gibbs said thickly and walked out of the café.

* * *

Gibbs pulled off the road, letting the engine of his rented SUV idle a bit while he took in his surroundings. He picked up the handwritten map lying on the seat beside him, making sure he was still headed in the right direction. He'd gotten lost more times than he cared to admit and finally had to pull over to a gas station to figure out just where in the hell he was. The gas station attendants were extremely helpful, even to the point where they drew him the detailed map he was currently perusing, but only after he'd went through a thorough Q and A about his business in the area. It was one thing to ask about directions to landmarks, it was an entirely different thing when asking for directions to a persons home. Apparently, the natives didn't take to kindly to strangers turning up asking questions about the local residents. On one hand, Gibbs appreciated the fact that they didn't just readily give out that information. On the other hand, he was more than slightly irritated that he'd wasted precious time trying to convince them that he wasn't there to cause trouble.

Gibbs studied the map again. Satisfied, he steered the SUV back onto the road. The silence in the car unnerved him, gave him too much time to think and that's something he'd been avoiding since he'd arrived in Montana.

The plane had gotten in a little after midnight, too late to do anything but get a hotel room and wait. Alone with his own thoughts, he was filled with doubts, second-guessing himself and the decision to come here unannounced. He didn't have a clue what he was going to say to her when he saw her again. He hadn't thought about anything beyond finding her and now that he had, he didn't know what to expect. He'd been hoping that with daylight, he'd be more focused and have a better plan of action. He was all too aware of the fact that if the SecNav was helping Jen, getting access to her may not be easy.

Gibbs sighed. He'd have to cross that bridge when the time came.

As it turned out, it came sooner than he'd expected, and not in the way he'd anticipated.

Gibbs turned down the road leading to the sprawling, two-level cabin and stared. He reached for the map, confirming he was in the right place before turning off the engine. He sat, thumping his fingers idly against the steering wheel, his sharp gaze taking in the place. The ramp aside, it looked huge and very picturesque, something he might find in a vacation home magazine if he ever looked at one. It didn't seem like a place Jen would run to hide but yet he supposed it made sense. It was isolated and quiet, not an easy location to find--perfect for someone who didn't want to be found.

Gibbs stepped out of the car, squinting as the sunlight nearly blinded him. He raised his hand to shade his eyes, wishing he'd remembered to grab his sunglasses. He'd barely made it no more than ten feet away from the car when he heard the tail tale sound of a menacing growl coming from the trees to the side of him.

Gibbs froze, trying to gauge his distance between him and his car, cursing the fact that he wasn't armed. He eased his foot back and stopped as the intensity of the growl increased, followed by a shuffling noise and he knew instinctively that the animal had moved closer.

Gibbs weighed his options. He was fairly certain that the animal in question was not a bear. He doubted seriously if a bear would stop at a growl. A wolf maybe. He wasn't up to date on the habits of wolves but that didn't feel right either. Gibbs considered making a dash to the vehicle. Opening the door may slow him down a bit but if he moved quick enough he might just make it. He turned his head slowly, keeping his body as still as possible, his eyes searching in the direction of the noise. The line of trees was no more than twenty feet away from him, but the blazing sun made it difficult to see without turning completely around. Depending on the speed of the animal, that might be a costly mistake; one he just might have to make. He couldn't stand here forever and he had no clue when Jen would return home.

Gibbs tensed as heard rustling noises coming toward him. He went to crouch, ready to fend himself against an attack when a soft voice spoke from behind him.

"If you move again, he will attack."

"Jen?" Gibbs was so surprised to hear her voice that he completely ignored the warning and turned toward her.

His heart sped up as the large German Sheppard lunged at him, teeth barred and nose flaring, ready to protect his mistress.

"Shockey, no," Jen called sharply and the dog stopped a few feet shy of Gibbs.

Gibbs eyed the dog and then looked at her. "Cut that a little close, don't cha think, Jen?"

She didn't answer, instead choosing to ask a question of her own. "What are you doing here?"

His blue eyes met hers. "Looking for you," he said quietly, mindful of the dog watching his every move. "Isn't that what you wanted me to do?"

"I have no idea what you mean by that. How did you find me?"

"C'mon, Jen. Don't play innocent with me now," he goaded. "You knew I would be looking for you. I would be a fool if I didn't trace incoming and outgoing calls. You stayed on the line just long enough for us to get a location. You wanted me to find you."

"Oh, I'm sorry, of course, you're right. I should have known you'd be tracing calls going through NCIS, Cynthia's in particular considering, ya know, she's the Director's assistant and those phones are checked for listening devices on a daily basis. How stupid of me to think that my call to her was private because having you track me down and intrude upon my privacy is exactly what I wanted to happen."

Sarcasm dripped from her every word, her green eyes flashed angrily at him.

Gibbs sighed. "Look, Jen, I didn't come here to fight with you--"

"Why did you come here, Jethro?" she asked cutting him off.

Well that did seem to be the million dollar question, he thought.

He took a step forward and the German Shepard snapped to alert; ears up, body tense, ready to pounce at any hint of a threat. His low growl of warning made Gibbs halt in mid motion.

"Ya think you can call your dog off now, Jen?"

"You're trespassing on private property," she informed him. "Give me one good reason why I should."

His lips pressed together as he felt his own anger begin to rise.

"Because you owe me, dammit."

"Owe you?" She rolled her eyes. "Owe you for what, exactly?"

"For what?" he yelled, giving in to the anger and frustration that had haunted him for weeks, clouding his judgment, and distracting him to the point where he couldn't focus on anything else. "I'll tell you for what. How about for leaving me all those years ago with nothing more than a goddamn dear john letter, than waltzing back into my life like nothing had happened, only to tell me that there was to be nothing between us in or outside of work, huh? Then, you flirt with me, bring up the past whenever you needed leverage, flaunt it in my face like a sacred shine that only you were allowed to hold on to. How about going off half cocked with no backup into a situation that you knew was dangerous with no regard to anyone else but yourself? Or how about for doing it to me again, Jenny? Only this time, I didn't even rate a letter. You just left me again without a damn word," he spat at her, his eyes boring into hers as his body shook with the intensity of his emotions.

Gibbs attempted to reign in his temper, dimly aware that the only reason the large animal hadn't taken a huge chuck out of him yet was because of Jen's soft command. That didn't mean the canine was about to take his eyes off of him. But as he stood there, staring at her, he knew he wasn't done. He hadn't intended to lash out at her like this- hell he wasn't sure what he intended when he came here- but now that he'd started he couldn't bring himself to stop.

" I asked you Jenny about your health and you told me you were fine. You distracted me with threats about my cases to throw me off track. I knew something was up with you, but I let you get away with it because I was more annoyed that you kept interfering with my investigations. You knew just what to do to get me to back off and I was the idiot who let you." His laugh held no humor as he regarded her. "So yeah, Jen, I'd say you owe me. An explanation if nothing else. So call off your guard dog, Jen, because I'm hear to collect and I'm not leaving until I do."

tbc

A/N: My daughter was allowed to name the dog and Shockey was what she came up with. :


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: As always, thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed. I enjoy all comments and glad you're sticking with the story, even though my updates take forever! Please forgive errors as I worked late into the night to get this done so I could post it and my proofreading skills my be slightly lacking.

Chapter 7

He stood before her, seeing and feeling nothing but the blinding hot rage slamming through him at lightning speed. It was irrational the way he was feeling right now and somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that. He didn't understand where all this pent up _emotion_ was coming from but it had the better of him now and was at a loss on how to stop it. On a different day, he might have expressed his regret over speaking to her that way and maybe would have sought her forgiveness.

Today was not the day.

And from the look on her face he knew she wasn't in the forgiving mood.

"Are you quite done?" she asked, the frostiness of her tone belying the calmness of her words.

Gibbs glared at her, trying to remember why he'd even bothered to come here. He shook his head. Clearly, this was a waste of his time.

"Yeah, Jen, I'm done." he said quietly, his voice just a cold as hers. His gaze lingered on her for a moment longer before he turned and headed toward the SUV.

In two short strides she was beside him, grabbing his arm and pushing him around to face her. "No," she hissed, snatching the keys out of his hand and flinging them across the yard.

"What the hell did you do that for?" he snapped.

Jen stepped forward, crowding his personal space, her eyes blazing furiously into his own. "No," she repeated, "you do not get to come here, tell me off, and disappear as if its no big deal. You've had your say now its time for me to have mine," she told him, jabbing him hard in the chest. She paced away a few steps away from him as if she needed the space to swirl around and confront him. "I've explained to you over and over again why I left you in Paris. I had to do--"

"What was best for you," he finished, cutting her off. "Yeah, Jen, I've heard it before."

"Damn straight you have and you're going to hear it again and again until you get it through your thick skull." She approached him again, a freight train full packed with one heck of a temper. "My leaving had nothing to do with you Jethro and everything to do with the fact that I had to move on. I had a plan and for a while it was all that kept me going. Becoming involved with you wasn't supposed to happen. It was a detour, one that I happily took and I don't regret it. But the truth of the matter was that what we had was a step above a casual fling. Oh, don't look at me like that," she said when he glared at her choice of words, "you know exactly what I mean. I cared for you, you cared about me. We had good times together; we enjoyed the same things and the sex was phenomenal. But that was it. There was no commitment between us, Jethro. No promises of happily ever after. I didn't expect nor need any of that. When I left it was hard but I had to do it. I make no apologies for a decision that I cannot change nor would I if I had the chance to do it all over again."

Her words fell like lightning, sharp and jagged, her voice the thunder that made him cringe. Combined, they hit him like a class five tornado, swallowing him whole and spitting him out as if he were nothing more than a rag doll. He could do nothing to stop the power they yielded over him. An unfamiliar ache settled in the pit of his belly and all he could do was mask the hurt and try to redeem himself. "It's always about you, isn't it and damn anybody who gets in your way." He snorted as he stepped back, giving her a scathing once over with his eyes. "Good riddance, huh, Jen? Guess you did us both a favor."

Gibbs stalked away in the direction she'd flung his keys. He thought he saw a pain flash in her eyes but it was too quick for him to be sure. He steeled himself, refusing to believe for one second that she felt anything at all. Spotting the silver glint of a key ring several feet away, he scooped them up, wiping away the small specs of dirt. Returning to his vehicle, he spared a glance at Jenny, noting with some concern the rigid way in which she held herself, her arms wrapped around her body. Shockey, her guard dog, stood at her side, his flinty eyes watching Gibbs.

Gibbs climbed into his SUV, starting it up just as another car pulled up alongside it. He rolled down the window in the pretense of letting in some fresh air but in reality his curiosity made him do it. A slightly round dark-skinned woman in a nurses uniform emerged from the car, staring quizzically at Gibbs. He met her eyes, thinking she looked familiar but he couldn't place her. The woman flashed him a dimpled grin before turning her attention to Jenny.

"Sorry, I took so long, Ms. Jenny. Store sure was busy today," she said jovially. "But it seems you weren't alone. Welcome," she addressed to Gibbs, turning friendly brown eyes back his way.

"He was just leaving, Gloria." Jenny informed the older woman, keeping her back to Gibbs.

Gloria's chubby face crinkled into a frown as Gibbs bristled at Jenny's dismissive tone. He'd just put the car in reverse and had started to roll his way to the main street when he heard the nurse chastise Jenny.

"Now, Ms. Jenny, you know you're not supposed to be walking around here without the wheelchair. What if you fall?"

The rest of what she was saying faded away as Gibbs creaked on, his mind slowly trying to process what he'd just heard. Then like a shroud had been lifted, the all encompassing fury he'd felt toward her faded away, leaving in it's place a dawning realization. Shame gripped him, settling deep in his soul. Gibbs slammed on his brakes, his eyes darting to the rearview mirror at the retreating forms of Jenny being led back inside by her nurse.

_Her nurse._

Like a familiar violin, she'd played him. She knew what buttons to push, what strings to yank to make him angry enough to say to hell with it and leave. And it worked. He'd taken one look at her, saw what she wanted him to see, heard only the callousness in her words and was oblivious to everything else. She'd done what she'd set out to do. She'd pushed him away.

And he had let her.

"Fuck!"

Gibbs hit his hand on the steering wheel, his anger directed inwardly now. He considered turning the car around and going back. He wanted to rush to her side and apologize for every horrible thing he'd said until she had no choice but to forgive him. He put the SUV in reverse, intending to go back and do just that. But as his foot touched the gas pedal the words from her letter came to him.

_'I'd rather you hate me, than to pity me.' _

Gibbs knew that after everything he'd said to her, if he returned right now that was exactly what she would think.

"Fuck," he swore again, only this time more softly. He raised his forefinger and thumb to his eyes, squeezing back the foreign liquid pooling behind them.

Jenny was dying.

And he'd basically just told her to go to hell.

* * *

Gibbs sat in a darkened corner of the hotel bar with his back against the wall. His face was set in a petulant scowl, which succeeded in keeping his fellow patrons away. He lifted his glass, watching as an elderly couple peered inside the bar. The man started to enter but the woman pulled him back, her face gathered up into a disapproving frown as she shook her head. The elderly man patted her arm and said words Gibbs was too far away to hear. The woman smiled up at him and caressed his cheek and he leaned down and kissed her forehead before they moved on away from the entrance of the bar.

Immediately his thoughts turned to Jenny. It had been almost a week since the argument. He should have been back in DC by now, but couldn't make himself leave. It felt too much like abandonment. He hadn't been able to force himself to go back out to see her either. Gibbs didn't want to be accused of returning out of pity. Seeing the elderly couple jolted him though, because he knew Jen wouldn't live long enough to grow old with anyone. His scowl deepened. He knocked back the drink, relishing the feel of the liquid as it burned down his throat, and signaled the waitress for another.

"Seems to me, you've had enough, yes?"

Gibbs had been watching the door nearly from the moment he'd sat down in the bar. He hadn't been expecting anyone. It was just easier to stare at it rather than anywhere else. So exactly how he missed Ziva David entering the bar was beyond him. Maybe he have had enough, he thought.

"What are you doing here, Ziva?"

His tone was far from welcoming but it didn't seem to faze her in the least.

"May I?" she asked, indicating the chair across from him.

Gibbs said nothing, which to Ziva was apparently the same as consenting because she pulled out the chair and promptly sat down. His drink arrived and he reached it, knowing he was going to need it and more if his entire team had decided to show up.

"Why you here, Ziva?" He asked again, when it seemed she was content to sit back and watch him watch the door.

She shrugged. "Director Vance is…concerned about you."

Gibbs snorted and shot her a exasperated look. "You can do better than that, Officer David."

"Alright. Director Vance ordered us to find you and bring you back to DC by any means necessary," she stated. "McGee knew your general whereabouts," the sour look on her face made Gibbs wonder how much flack McGee had taken over that. "and the rest was evolution."

Gibbs shot a look of confusion. "Evolution?"

"Yes. Isn't that what Holmes said to Watson? Meaning simple investigative deduction of clues?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Elementary, Ziva."

Ziva's frowned. "What does grade school have to do with figuring out clues?"

"It's elementary, not evolution," he explained impatiently.

"Ah," was all she said.

Gibbs' drink arrived and the waitress glanced at her. Ziva shook her head in the negative and the waitress left them alone. Gibbs sipped his drink. "Are you alone."

"Yes," she said with a smirk. "McGee drew the short straw but turned greed at the idea of coming here to bring you back. Tony said he would do it but, well, since you weren't there, someone needed to stay and keep going on the investigation."

"Lucky you, huh?"

"I did not mind. The case is about wrapped up and I could use the break, however small."

Gibbs took a sip of his drink and Ziva shifted uncomfortably in her chair. He said nothing, waiting for her to speak again.

"Have you seen her?"

Gibbs lips thinned. "Yep."

Ziva's eyes brighten expectantly. "And?"

"And what?"

"And how is she?" she asked exasperated

Gibbs took a gulp of his drink and sat the glass down heavily upon the table.

"Gibbs? How is Jenny?"

Gibbs glanced up at the concern in her voice and saw it mirrored in her eyes. He'd forgotten that Jenny and Ziva had been friends before NCIS and she would naturally be worried about her. They'd gotten close, all of them, since then and their close knit unit was more like a family. Jenny's disappearance didn't only affect him, it affected his whole team, not to mention Ducky and Abby.

"I don't know, Ziva," he answered softly.

She looked at him puzzled. "What do you mean, you don't know? You have been here for a week. Have you not seen her, talked to her?"

He reached for his drink again but before he could lift it, her hand snuck out and landed over the top, keeping it firmly on the table.

"Answer me Gibbs. Is Jenny okay?"

He sighed. "I think so."

"What does that mean, you think so? You have been here long enough. Surely, you can give me a better answer than that!"

Gibbs leveled his gaze at her. "Calm yourself, Officer David."

She leaned forward, not flinching from the warning she saw in his eyes.

"Then answer me, Special Agent Gibbs." Her eyes studied his for a moment and then her face fell. She leaned back in her chair. "Oh no, do not tell me she is…"

"No" Gibbs said forcibly. "No, she's not gone." But even as he said the words a small seed of doubt entered his mind. How could he be sure she was still alive? He hadn't been back out to see for himself and hadn't heard anything about her since. He gave himself a mental shake. No, Jen wasn't dead. He would know if she was. He would feel it in his gut.

"I saw her once, when I first got here," Gibbs explained reluctantly. "She wasn't expecting me and we…argued. I haven't been back to see her since."

"You and the Dir…Jenny always argue. It is part of your, "she paused searching for the right word, "chemistry, is it not?"

Gibbs' chuckle was humorless. "Maybe," he conceded. He stared down at the table, picking at the wood as he spoke. "Not this time though. This time it was ugly. The things we said were pretty bad, Ziva."

Gibbs rubbed his hand over his face, his expression bleak. Ziva was no expert on Jenny and Gibbs but she saw them together enough to know how important they were to each other. As she studied the man in front of her, she knew that if they didn't resolve this and something happened to Jenny in the meantime, he would never be the same.

"Did you talk to your friend, Mike Franks, about his conversation with Jenny in that diner? Before the shooting, I mean."

He winced at the mention of the diner and shook his head. "I was to angry at him to hear much of what he was telling me. He said something about regrets. I figured he meant about how the whole situation was handled."

"Actually it was Jenny's regrets that he was referring too."

Gibbs looked at her inquiringly.

"I cornered him before he boarded his plane back to Mexico. I needed to know as much as possible about what had happened for my sake as well as Tony's," she explained sheepishly. "He told me as much as he said he could but he wanted me to relay his conversation with Jenny if I ever thought you needed to hear it. I considered it a strange request at the time and I never gave it another thought. I listened in hopes that it would help me help Tony."

Gibbs heard the wistful note in her voice as she brought up her partner but decided to ignore it. He had enough on his plate as it was. "And you think I need to hear it now?" guessed Gibbs.

"Yes, I do," she confirmed, crossing her arms in front of her. "I never would have figured your Mike Franks as a romantic," she said as she repeated the story he'd told her.

Gibbs and Ziva sat in silence for a long while after she'd stopped talking. Gibbs fingered the rim of his left over drink but didn't touch it, instead he lifted his eyes up to Ziva, his expression determined.

"I'm not going back with you Ziva."

She shrugged. "I did not expect you to."

"What will you tell Vance?" he asked. He didn't really care what she told the Director, but he didn't want her to get into any trouble either.

Ziva smirked. " I will tell him that Holmes was wrong. Finding you was not as…elementary…as we thought."

tbc


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: As always a big thank you to those who have read/reviewed. I really appreciate it and hopefully you are still sticking with the story despite my untimely updates. I am having difficulties finding time to write so I apologize for the long wait. Please read and enjoy!

Jenny stared aimlessly out her bedroom window, watching as the sun began to rise. She'd been awake for hours, trying to find that elusive sandman but having no such luck. It wasn't the first night she'd stared out into the darkened sky until daylight dawned. The nights she did manage to get some rest she would wake feeling just as tired as she did before she fell asleep. Dr. Waylan had warned her that this would happen; she just didn't think it would be this soon.

She sighed and leaned her head back against the pillows. Closing her tired eyes, Jenny rubbed the grittiness away feeling more alone than she'd ever felt in her life. When she'd decided to come here she knew that there would be times when she would miss her old life. She expected to have days when the solitude of the place would make her want to jump on the first plane back to DC and integrate herself back into the society she was used to. But what she hadn't expected was to feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness. Though she'd been alone for the majority of her life, there had always been people around. Whether they were co-workers, friends or lovers, she was never truly without companionship.

Her thoughts turned to Jethro as they often did when she felt this sense of melancholy. A lump formed in her throat and she swallowed hard, remembering his visit and how he'd left – correction – how she'd drove him away. She could still see the anger in his eyes; hear the steel in his voice as he walked away from her. She'd pushed him to it, she knew that, but it didn't make her feel any better about it nor did it make her miss him any less. She had considered calling him to explain her actions and the reason she'd treated him so harshly. She had even gone so far as to pick up the phone and dial the number that she could recite in her sleep. However, she always hung up before the first ring. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel sorry for her. He was better off in DC, remembering her with a roaring temper instead of as she was now, weak and sickly.

Even if the only thing he felt for her now was hate.

* * *

Jenny started, looking about the room in confusion, trying to get her bearings. She must have dozed off, she realized as the cobwebs cleared and her thought processes began functioning again. She stretched, pausing to listen as she heard the sound of a car approaching through her open window. She scooted herself carefully off the bed, feeling the low throb of pain that was always present now. Fortunately, the current medication Dr. Waylan prescribed for her made the pain feel more like an afterthought than something she needed to focus on. Slipping on her slippers she made her way over to the window, expecting to see Dr. Waylan making one of his impromptu visits or Gloria coming back from one of her many errands. What she hadn't expected was to see that same SUV that Jethro had used earlier in the week coming to a stop in front of her door. She strained her neck to see inside the SUV but the angle of her window did not allow it. Moving quickly as her body would permit; she pulled her bathrobe around her and hastened out of her bedroom, almost tripping over the large guard dog slumbering at her door. The doorbell rang and her heart pounded in her chest as she prayed that Jethro hadn't returned with one breath and hoped fervently that he had with another.

Jenny stood at the top of the stairs as Gloria opened the door. She considered taking the lift down but decided against it. One, it would alert her guest to her presence (and she wasn't sure she wanted to do that yet). Two, it felt too much like giving in to her illness- something she'd been quite resistant to and today was no exception. So instead she held tightly to the banister and edged her way down the wide steps. Jenny stopped just before she became visible and sat on the steps, feeling like a child eavesdropping on a private conversation.

"Welcome," she heard Gloria's standard greeting, her voice warm and friendly. "You're Ms. Jenny's friend."

Well, that's one way of putting it, Jenny thought.

"You could say that," he answered wryly.

Jenny could picture him shifting uncomfortably. After their last conversation he was probably just as unsure of what they were to each other as she was. But she still couldn't stop the excited flutter in her stomach as the sound of his voice.

"Well come on in," Gloria ordered.

Jethro must not have been very sure of his welcome because seconds later Jenny heard Gloria's voice again.

"Well, what are you waiting for? I don't bite."

"You may not," she heard him say, "but the lady in question might."

Gloria laughed heartily, closing the door as Gibbs stepped inside. "Oh no, it's not Ms. Jenny you have to worry about. She's as sweet as they come. But The Shocker, he's another story."

"The Shocker?"

"Ms. Jenny's dog. His name is Shockey, Lord only knows where they got that name, but I call him The Shocker because every time his little wet nose would touch my hand, he'd shock me. Humph...imagine that."

Jenny bit back a laugh as she listened to the boisterous woman explain her pet name for their resident pet or guard dog as the case may be. She was almost tempted to move further down the steps just to see the expression on Jethro's face.

"Where is the Shock…uh…Shockey?" Gibbs asked.

Jenny had a sudden image of the big bad Special Agent peering cautiously inside the door and smiled. However, it didn't last long as Shockey decided it was time to make an appearance. He left her side, the clicking of his paws loud against the wooden stairs. Jenny cursed and rose gingerly to her feet, following the errant dog. Guess it was time to make her presence known as well.

The dog gave a sharp bark as he approached the pair and she saw Gibbs tense. She gave a soft command to the dog and addressed Jethro.

"Remain still and let him get used to you."

Jenny's voice held none of the coldness from their previous encounter but it wasn't entirely welcoming either. Gibbs lifted his eyes to hers and Jenny had to force herself to look away from the intensity of his gaze. The dog walked around him once, sniffing his hands and legs and even his shoes. Then he nudged Gibbs' hand, giving it a quick swipe of the tongue before returning to Jenny's side.

"See?" said Gloria, who was no doubt aware of the tension emanating between the two of them. "He just needs to know that you mean no harm, and then he'll be your friend for life."

The words were said casually but as Gibbs tore his eyes away from Jenny's and back to Gloria, she could see the almost imperceptible nod of assurance he gave the older woman.

Gloria smiled; apparently satisfied she turned to Jenny. "I didn't realize you were awake yet, Ms. Jenny. How are things this morning?"

Jenny smiled warmly at the older woman, knowing that Shockey wasn't her only protector around here. She could see the keen inspection in the woman's gaze and knew she was assessing her condition. Jenny wondered what the nurse saw sometimes. She always seemed to know just what Jenny needed seemingly before Jenny did.

"I'm fine, Gloria."

"Well, I'm going to get some breakfast started and let you fine folks talk. C'mon, Shocker boy, I let you help clean up the mess," she said and headed toward the back of the house, Shockey at her heels.

"She seems nice," said Jethro as they watched her disappear into the kitchen.

Jenny smiled. "She is. Convincing Gloria to take a leave of absence from the hospital was one of the best decisions I've made. Although, she tends think she needs to be my housekeeper as well as my nurse."

"Ah, the hospital. I knew I recognized her from somewhere."

Jenny got that tingling feeling inside again at his words. Ducky had told her Jethro had been to visit while she'd been unconscious. Hearing him confirm it; however, made it seem more real.

"That's right," she said responding to his statement. "Gloria was one of my nurses in LA. She took exceptional care of me, so much so that I badgered her into staying on with me. Of course, it wasn't easy since she worked for the hospital and technically still does. It took some doing and some string pulling but the hospital finally Okayed the home hospice arrangement."

Jenny realized she was babbling and fell silent. They stood that way for a moment as the silence stretched between them. He still stood in the doorway, his body stiff with uncertainty. It wasn't a term she'd usually associated with him but after the cold reception he'd received at his last visit, Jenny really couldn't blame him. She tightened her hand on the banister, noting with a wry amusement the distance between them both figuratively and literally. An uncomfortable awkwardness began to settle and Jenny jumped in before it reached critical levels.

"Jethro, I…"

"Jenny, we…"

They stopped. Jethro ran his hand through his hair and Jenny lowered her gaze.

"You first," he told her.

She looked up at him, drinking in the sight of him- a sight she never thought she'd see again.

"What are you doing here?" she asked softly. "I thought you'd be back in DC by now?"

He shrugged. "Didn't like the way we left things."

"You shouldn't have come back," she said flatly.

He clenched his jaw and took a moment before answering.

"Yeah, well, there're a lot of things I shouldn't do."

"I'm serious, Jethro. I didn't return to DC for a reason. I didn't inform you of my whereabouts for a reason. That reason still exists."

His face hardened. "Selfish reasons, Jenny," he hissed.

Jenny bristled at the insult. "Regardless of what you think of my decisions Jethro, they are still my decisions.

"What I think Jen, is that you are a coward."

"What?" she exclaimed, floored.

"Yeah, that's right, a coward," he said pacing back and forth in front of the door. He stopped and stared at her, his eyes burning into hers. "You tried to take the easy way out and when that didn't work, you ran. You ran away from all the people who care about you, the people who could help you. You came here and secluded yourself away without a word to anyone."

"I left Ducky a letter," she defended.

Gibbs shook his head and gave a sardonic laugh. "Don't even get me started on your damn letters," he whispered ferociously. "Tell me, Jen, when you were coming up with these _reasons_," he said disdainfully, "did you think about Abby? If things had went according to your plans in that diner, did you think about what that would do to Tony and Ziva?"

_To him_.

She saw it in his eyes, the words he wanted to say but didn't. She ignored it, choosing to focus on what he did say.

"I spoke to both of them. They understood…"

"That's not the point, Jenny. They shouldn't have been put in that situation in the first place," he exploded.

"What do you want from me, Jethro?" she railed back at him. "Okay, I get it. You think I messed up. Fine, you're entitled to your opinion. But it's done and I can't go back and undo it. So if this is why you came back, so you could lay into me again, you can very well get the hell out."

"Yeah, that's exactly what you expect me to do, isn't it Jenny, leave and don't come back? I'm afraid I can't accommodate you on that one. I'm not going anywhere."

Their words reverberated around the foyer, the gap between them growing exponentially with each enraged word. Jenny tried to calm herself; the emotional conversation was taking its toll as she felt her legs begin to tire. She'd been standing too long and desperately wanted to sink down on the stairs and give them a rest. But she couldn't. Not while Gibbs was standing there glaring at her. She refused to be weak in front of him.

A throat cleared in the background and they turned at once to see Gloria grimly drying her hands on a towel, Shockey at her side.

"Breakfast is about ready, Ms. Jenny. Would you like to get changed first?"

Jenny swallowed back her anger before answering. "Yes, Gloria, I would." Jenny was actually grateful for the interruption. She needed the time to regroup and gather her bearings, at least where Jethro was concerned. Any other time she would have no problem sparing with him until he was the one that needed an escape, but the strain of continued standing in her legs was making itself known. Jenny knew that if she didn't sit soon, Jethro would more than likely be picking her up off the floor. She paused on her way up the stairs. "Oh and by the way Gloria, Jethro likes his coffee bitter... the bitter the better, right Jethro?" she said saucily before disappearing up the steps.

Jenny lingered at the top of the stairs, not sure if leaving Gloria alone with Jethro was a good idea. She didn't doubt that the nurse could handle the agent; she was concerned whether the agent could handle the nurse.

Gloria had grown even more protective of her since Denny had been called away and replaced with Shockey a week after Jenny's arrival to the home. In fact, Gloria wasn't even supposed to be staying with her until she was physically worse but with Denny being gone and no one else staying with her, Dr. Waylan had insisted that she allow Gloria to move in. Jenny hadn't regretted it since, but, she thought as she heard Gloria begin to speak, Jethro just might.

"Obviously, Mr. Jethro…"

"Gibbs," he corrected.

"Mr. Gibbs," Gloria said and Jenny swore Gloria's voice sounded mocking to her.

"Not Mister, just Gibbs."

"Alright Gibbs," Gloria began again. "Apparently you and I have a different definitions of the phrase _do no harm_."

Jenny heard Gibbs sigh and knew he was running a hand over his face in frustration. "Look, I know what it looked like but…"

"What it looked and sounded like, Mr. uh excuse me, Gibbs, was that you were upsetting my patient. Again."

"I would never do anything to jeopardize her health."

"Oh, I know that. One, because I won't let you; and two," Gloria stopped and Jenny leaned closer trying to hear what she was saying, "because you care about her otherwise, you wouldn't be here," she continued. "Look, I don't know what's going on between the two of you and I don't need to know. But you have obviously got some issues with Ms. Jenny that needs to be resolved, however you're not going to get them resolved by constantly yelling at the chile. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying treat her with kid gloves. Lord knows, that'll get her riled up too. Now, if you've come here out of some sense of obligation or pity, then you need to go back to where ever it is you came from. Ms. Jenny just don't have time for that kind of mess. But if you're here because you genuinely respect Ms. Jenny and _want _to be here, then you better start acting like it and find a different approach."

"Damn straight," Jenny muttered quietly in agreement, then frowned at Gloria's next words.

"It seems that you and Ms. Jenny go back a ways and if that's the case you know how stubborn she can be. You keep pushing the way you are, you're only going to make her dig her heels in deeper and that'll get you nowhere," the nurse said kindly. "So my suggestion to you, _Mr_. Gibbs, is to think about what brought you here in the first place and what made you come back? When you get the answer ask yourself if the roles were reversed, would it be good enough for you? If it is, then you'll know what you gotta do next. If not, then don't let the door hit you on your way out."

Jenny sighed and pushed herself away from the stairwell, deep in thought. She couldn't help but wonder how Jethro would respond to that. She herself had never considered putting herself in his shoes and felt slightly guilty as she thought of the way she'd handled the entire situation at the diner. Had it been Jethro who had ignorantly thought he could protect her without sufficient backup and nearly died, she would have been furious. If it had been him that disappeared out of his hospital room, living everyone and every thing near and dear to him without a word, she would have pulled every string, used every contact she had to find him and bring him back to her. Especially if she found out he was ill and keeping it from her.

Maybe Jethro's right, maybe I am being selfish, she thought as she entered her bedroom, listening with amusement as she heard Gloria speak once more before closing her door.

"Now, about that coffee, Mr. Gibbs? Do you really like it bitter?"


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Yea! I kept my promise (to Ellie) and here it is! Please excuse any mistakes as I finished the last part right before I have to leave for work and only did a cursory proofread. Sorry if my errors distract you from the story but I wanted to get this upload. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts! Enjoy!

Chapter 9

Inside her room, Jenny retreated to her bathroom to complete her morning ablutions before returning to her room to dress. She took her time, not really in any hurry to get back out there for round three of the never ending face off between her and Jethro - but mainly to give her legs a chance to rest. She donned a long lightweight summer skirt the color of a cloudless blue sky and a matching top. A pair of comfy tennis' replaced her normal high-heeled shoes and the ensemble was complete. Jenny brushed her hair, something she couldn't do for very long and she could tell from the way her arm quivered that soon, she probably wouldn't be able to do it at all. She gave a small sigh and lowered the brush back to her dressing table. She stared at her image in the mirror, frowning at her pale cheeks and tired eyes. After a brief internal debate, she reached for the small make-up bag that sat in the corner of her dresser. It hadn't been touched since her relocation and she hoped that it hadn't all dried up. Jenny opened the bag and peered inside, smiling in relief when she pulled out the contents. She applied a small amount of make-up, only enough to give her face some color. It was only natural to complete the look with a bit of liner around her eyes and a little gloss to her lips. She would deny, even to herself, that any of this in any way, shape or form, had anything to do with the man downstairs. Jenny added the finished touches and stared at herself critically in the mirror. Satisfied, she grabbed a cardigan sweater and tied it around her shoulders and made her way back down the stairs.

The aromas drifting from the kitchen made her stomach rumble. A good sign considering she usually had very little appetite in the mornings. Laughter reached her ears and she paused in the doorway taking in the pair standing in the kitchen. Gibbs had his back to her, leaning sideways against the counter as he watched Gloria prepare their breakfast. He was laughing softly, listening with interest as Gloria told an amusing story about one of her many patients – her success stories she called them. Her eyes settled on Jethro, taking in the length of him, appreciating what she saw even if she felt guilty for doing so. It was odd seeing him in her Montana home, sharing a cup of coffee with Gloria, enjoying himself when only moments ago he quite possibly would have gladly strangled her.

She found herself smiling as he laughed again, feeling the warmth of it surround her. She'd always loved his laugh. It was rare that he did more than smile or chuckle but when he laughed, his whole demeanor would change; his eyes would twinkle and his face would soften. Jenny remembered the antics she would pull just to make him laugh and see the transformation in him. But that was long ago, when anger and mistrust had no place in their relationship. When the only thing she had to regret was leaving his arms at the dawn of the day.

Jenny shook herself, not willing to go down that path. She raised her eyes and met amused brown ones staring back at her. Gloria winked and nodded her head in approval and Jenny blushed wondering exactly what the older woman had seen while she was lost in her thoughts of Jethro.

"Well look who decided to join us," Gloria said good-naturedly, calling his attention to her arrival. "My, my, don't you clean up nice." She nudged Gibbs. "Now that's worth waiting for, don't 'cha think, Mr. Gibbs?"

"Definitely," he agreed softly.

Surprised, Jenny met his eyes and blushed again at the appreciative look in them. She self-consciously smoothed out non-existent wrinkles in her skirt before moving further in the room.

"Sit on down, both of you, while I get this here meal going," Gloria instructed as she fluttered around the kitchen.

Jenny knew better than to argue, and apparently so did Jethro as he withheld his offer of assistance and moved toward the table. He pulled out her chair and waited for her to sit before helping her scoot the chair closer to the table. She mumbled her thanks, confusion displayed clearly across her face at his change in attitude. She felt him behind her as she reached for her napkin when he leaned down close to her.

"You look good, Jen," he whispered in her ear before taking his own seat.

The comment caught her off guard and left her somewhat flustered. She took a deep breath and stared at him suspiciously. He smiled disarmingly and Jenny looked away, trying to reconcile this Jethro with the one she'd left twenty minutes ago.

Amazing what a little make-up can do, she thought ruefully as she spread her napkin across her lap.

Gloria came back to the table, dishing out the steaming omelets and potatoes before taking a seat herself.

"Now, Mr. Gibbs, I don't know how you do things, but Ms. Jenny knows I'm a Christian woman and I like to say Grace before eating a meal. Is that a problem for you?"

Jenny's lips twitched at the look she gave him. If it was a problem, she knew Jethro was too much of a gentleman to say so.

"No ma'am."

"Good, now let's hold hands and bow our heads."

Jenny shot a look at Gloria. She had no problem with Gloria's beliefs. She wasn't much of a Christian herself but didn't see any harm in abiding by Gloria's wishes. But not once since she and Gloria had been sharing meals together had she ever insisted that they hold hands.

As if reading her thoughts, Gloria gave her an overly sweet smile before taking Gibbs' hand in her own and nodding at Jenny to do the same.

Jenny's eyes settled on his hand resting on the table. She couldn't bring herself to look into his eyes just yet, not sure what she'd find when she did. From his earlier actions just seconds ago, she didn't think he'd have a problem with holding her hand for a two second prayer, but she didn't want to assume anything. It was just as possible that he was acting so nice to her for Gloria's sake. The thought saddened her and she swallowed hard. She wanted them to be okay. She didn't want to fight with him, didn't want the anger between them to keep them at arms length. With an inward sigh, she lifted her gaze to his only to find the intense blue eyes upon her. While her look was questioning and uncertain, his was confident and determined. If he was at all uncomfortable with the request, he was hiding it well. His large hand closed around her smaller one, holding it warm and secure against his palm and Jenny's insides melted like butter.

Breakfast went by smoothly; conversation flowed between the three, with Gloria regaling them with stories about her grandchildren that range in age from three to fourteen. Some of the stories Jenny had heard before but others were new and the nurse had them both in stitches laughing so much.

"Do you get to see your grandchildren often?" Gibbs asked, scraping the last bites of omelet off his plate.

"Oh, I get to see them often enough, maybe not as much as I'd like too," she said. "They're in Arizona, not too far from LA but just far enough."

Guilt hit Jenny as she thought of the life she'd taken the woman from. Though, she knew that Gloria was a widow and her children lived away, she didn't think about how the distance would affect her.

"Gloria," Jenny piped up, "any time you're feeling homesick or just need to get back for any reason, please don't hesitate to go. I'm sure I'll be fine on my own for a couple of days, at least."

Gloria arched her brow, her eyes flicking between Jenny and Gibbs. "Are you trying to get rid of me, Ms. Jenny?"

"Get rid of you? Why would I…" Jenny's eyes widened when it dawned on her what the other woman was implying. "No, no," she exclaimed quickly. "Of course not, I just meant…"

Gloria waved her words away dismissively. "I know what you meant, Ms. Jenny. I'm just messing with ya. Besides, I don't have any plans to go anywhere just yet except maybe out to run some errands. We're getting low on some things." She stood and looked over at Gibbs. "Did you get enough to eat, Mr. Gibbs?"

"Yes Ma'am I did, thank you. It was delicious."

Gloria beamed. "Why thank you, kind sir. I do enjoy preparing a satisfying meal." She looked over at Jenny's plate and frowned in disapproval. "No appetite this morning, Ms. Jenny?"

"I ate," she said defensively, looking down at her plate.

"You pecked," Gloria corrected. The nurse came around the table and gathered up the dishes. "I swear you eat like a bird. Bout little as one too," she grumbled under her breath but loud enough for the others to hear.

"Hey," Jenny protested, "that's not fair. I'm a good eater."

"Yeah, if consuming coffee by the gallon is considered eating," smirked Gibbs, eyeing the fresh pot of hot coffee Gloria sat on the table.

Jenny glared at him. "You stay out of this," she told him.

"Now you leave that man alone," Gloria chided, "_he_ ate all his food."

"Yeah," Gibbs teased, leaning back in his chair, patting his stomach.

Great, thought Jenny, another woman besotted by the Gibbs charm. She rolled her eyes at him and wondered if it would be too childish if she gave in to the urge to stick out her tongue at him. Deciding it would, she reached for the coffee pot instead, ignoring the _tsking_ sound Gloria made as Jenny poured herself another cup. She held the pot out to Gibbs with a questioning glance. He nodded and Jenny poured.

At least that's what she attempted to do.

Pain shot through her arm, weakening her grip on the coffee pot. It fell with a loud _clump_, and Jenny watch in horror as the steaming liquid spilled across the table. Gibbs pushed his chair back before the coffee could land on him but Jenny was immobilized, unable to gather the strength in her legs to push herself away. She tensed, anticipating the cold sting of second-degree burns she knew was coming. With lightening speed Gibbs was up and at her side, pulling her away from the table so the hot coffee splashed on the floor and not her.

Jenny gripped her arm, rubbing it vigorously as the pain throbbed. She heard Gibbs asking if she was okay and she tried to speak but another stab of pain, this time in her leg, stole her breath. Tears gathered in her eyes but she blinked them back. Jenny heard Gloria speak in the background but couldn't make out the words as the frantic pounding of her heart filled her ears. She was used to the low-key throbbing that always seemed present no matter what. But this was…this was different. This was a piercing pain that jabbed at her joints and flared with an intensity unlike anything she'd ever felt before. And it scared her. She was dimly aware of being lifted as the intensity of the pain decreased but the aftershocks of it still continued to throb with annoying consistency. She was carried into the study, which had been transformed into a pseudo hospital room.

"Put her down on the bed," she heard Gloria instruct Gibbs, her professionalism making her tone brisk.

Gibbs did as told and stepped back, no doubt not wanting to get in the way of Gloria doing her job.

"How's the pain, Ms. Jenny? One to ten…give me a number."

"Seven," Jenny mumbled.

"Where is it worse?"

"Legs," Jenny answered, closing her eyes against the pain.

"Alright, Ms. Jenny, I need to give you the shot now, okay?"

Jenny shook her head. "No, not yet. Give me the pills."

"Ms. Jenny, we've been over this. The pills are not as effective," said Gloria. "You've never given me a number that high before, the pills aren't going to do you much good."

"I don't want the shot," she said vehemently, opening her eyes to stare pleadingly into Gloria's. "Not yet."

She willed Gloria to understand, to give her this time. The morphine shot would knock her out almost immediately. She had no idea how long she had left but she knew that Jethro wouldn't be able to stay with her much longer. She'd already wasted too much time pushing him away. She refused to be rendered basically unconscious just when it seemed as if they were on the verge of getting past all the nastiness. She would tolerate the pain if it meant she got to spend more time with him.

Gloria stared at her a moment longer before she acquiescence. "Fine, I'll give you the pills. But I want to know the minute they wear off or the pain gets too much now, you understand?"

Jenny gave her a weak smile, "Yes, thank you," she said taking the pills and water Gloria held out to her. She took the medicine and leaned back, waiting for the pills to work their magic. They would only take the edge off but right now they were still preferable than the shot.

"You lay here for a bit, let the medicine do what they supposed to do. I'm going to go call in our supply order and have them delivered instead of going out for them. Plus, I need to give Dr. Waylan a call."

"Okay," Jenny said quietly and watched as the woman left the room, pulling the door up close behind her.

The room was quiet. Jenny laced her hands together and fought a shiver that ran through her. Her body went through such extremes it was a wonder she wasn't sicker than she was. One minute she's hot, the next cold, one minute she's fine, the next she's trying to breath through unbearable pain. She sighed and shivered again.

"Cold?" Gibbs asked coming toward her. He grabbed a blanket off a nearby stand and spread it around her. He pulled up a chair and sat next to her.

"Now you see why I wanted to do this alone?" she asked breaking the silence that had settled between them.

Gibbs looked up at her. "No, I don't."

"Jethro..."

"You know what I see Jen?" he continued as if she'd never spoken. "I see a proud, beautiful, stubborn woman doing her best to try to convince those around her that she's infallible. I see a woman who's facing something that's scaring the hell out of her but she'll be damned before she lets anybody see it. She doesn't want pity; she doesn't want anybody to see her being weak or emotional. She wants to be in control of her fate so she ran - ran away from everything and everyone familiar to face her fears alone. She knew her friends would miss her, even be angry with her but that was okay as long as they remembered her the way she used to be and not weak and helpless. She figured they would move on soon and forget all about her. But she didn't consider one thing."

"What was that?" she whispered.

He took her hand in his, his blue orbs gazing at her with an emotional intensity she hadn't witnessed since their days abroad.

"That there was a man out there," he continued, his voice hoarse, "that couldn't forget her. That she was on his mind day and night since he'd discovered her secret. That he would search to the ends of the world to find her and convince her that pity was the last thing he felt for her. And that there was no way in hell he was going to let her go to face whatever she faced, alone."

"Jethro," she said softly, lifting her hand to his cheek as tears ran silently down her own. "You can't stay here with me. You have your life, your job back in Washington. I can't ask you to leave all of that for me."

"You aren't asking, Jen. I would do all that and more for you if I thought it would help."

Their faces were inches apart; her hand cupped his cheek while his hand held onto her other one.

"Why?" she needed to know.

"Because we've wasted enough time and I don't want to waste anymore," he swallowed hard before continuing. "Because we both have regrets," he said and Jenny blushed, recalling the words she'd spoken to Mike Franks in the diner," and I don't want to add more regrets to the long list of them.

More tears flowed from her eyes and she swiped at them, embarrassed. "I'm sorry; I don't mean to fall apart on you."

This time is was him cupping her cheeks, wiping her tears with his thumb. "You don't have to be sorry for being human, Jen. It's okay to cry, you're entitled, ya know."

She laughed and turned her teary gaze back to him. "Jethro, I…"

Whatever she was about to say was cut off just as his phone rang, startling them both.

He swore as he looked at the caller ID. Still holding on to her hand, his eyes on her he flipped it open.

"Gibbs."

He listened and Jenny watched as the expression on his face darkened. It didn't take a genius to figure out who was on the other end. Besides that she could hear Director Vance yelling into the phone.

Gibbs hung up without a word. His look said it all.

"You have to return to NCIS, don't you?"

Gibbs swore again and ducked his head. Jenny swallowed and took his chin gently in her hand, raising his face back up to her. "Its okay, Jethro, I knew sooner or later you would have to leave." She gave him a small smile. "I'm glad you found me and came to see me. And I'm glad you stayed even after I tried so hard to push you away." She paused, not sure if she should burden him with what she wanted to say. But it was now or never because it was likely she wouldn't get another chance.

"I…I love you, Jethro. I always have and I always will. Please remember that, okay?"

He made a noise and grabbed her hand, burying his face in her palm, before kissing it sweetly. When he turned his face back up to hers, there were tears in his eyes.

"I'm coming back Jen. Don't you dare leave me before I get back. Promise me, Jen, you'll be here when I get back."

"Jethro…"

"Promise me," he said fiercely.

She stared at him for a moment before nodding her head. "I promise."

It was a kind lie because they both knew it was a promise that she may not be able to keep. Her mortality was something she had no control over, no one did.

His lips crashed onto hers, their tears mingling together, as they tasted each other, only breaking away to breath. Jenny pulled him onto the bed with her and that's how Gloria found them hours later, wrapped in each other's arms.

* * *

Gibbs growled as his phone rang for the fifth time in as many minutes. He considered throwing the offending piece of technology against the wall. He'd been trying for the last half hour to get out of the NCIS building so he could make his flight back to Montana, only to be halted by one thing or another. It had been three weeks since he'd left Jenny and though they spoke nearly everyday on the phone, he knew something was wrong. He could feel her slipping away from him, brushing aside his concerns, changing the subject whenever he asked about her health. She was putting distance between them again and he desperately needed to get back there and undo whatever it was that was making her act this way. The reports he'd been getting from Gloria hadn't eased his anxiety either.

He knew part of it was that she didn't think he was coming back. And truth be told, if Vance had his way, he wouldn't be. Luckily, SecNav saw things a little differently and granted him a six month leave of absence. It was a generous amount of time and he hoped to spend every day of it with Jen but though no one wanted to admit it, they were all aware that she probably didn't have six months left.

His phone went off again and he snatched it up without looking at the caller ID.

"Gibbs," he barked, not bothering to hide the irritation in his voice.

But his entire body froze as the person on the other end spoke.

"Mr. Gibbs," Gloria said hesitantly and dread filled him. "It's Jenny."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello? Anyone still there? Seriously, I know many of you probably thought I'd abandoned this story since its been pretty much forever since I last updated. Well, rest assured I haven't and I hope to wrap this up hopefully this weekend or early next week. Yes, there is one more chapter after this (b/c it would have been too long to make this the last chapter) but that should be it. If you are still reading thank you for hanging in there. Reviews are always welcomed and appreciated and as always please forgive my errors as I am my own proofreader. Please enjoy!**

Chapter 10

Thunder rumbled above as lightning streaked across the gray sky, creating an eerie brightness that made the cab driver flinch. Visibility was almost impossible because of the steady downpour of rain and she cursed it under her breath as she inched her way down the road. As a native of Montana she should have known better to take this fare when the weather was like this, especially this far out. But the man had looked beyond desperate and had practically begged, and she got the distinct impression that this silver-haired, blued eyed gent didn't beg anyone for anything. So despite her misgivings, she'd agreed to drive him. Now here she was, going 20 on a 45 mph roadway, straining to see the road in front of her.

Her passenger on the other hand seemed to be handling the storm a lot better than she. In fact, he didn't seem to notice it at all. She'd been discretely checking him out. Something about him drew her attention and she had yet to figure out what that was. Maybe it was the bleak look in his eyes or the fact that he'd sat in the same position since he'd entered her cab back at the airport. Not to mention that he hadn't spoken one word since giving her the address to his destination - not that she was up to much conversation in this weather. She chanced another glance in her rearview mirror just in time to see him rub his hand over his face. He looked exhausted and…well…sad, she thought. She was usually a good judge of character but it didn't take any special skills to figure out this man was grieving. Maybe not in the conventional cry your eyes out type of way but grieving nonetheless. She eyed him once again, noting not for the first time how just how handsome he was and wondered what the woman was like that made him hurt so much.

* * *

Gibbs stared out the taxi window, not really seeing anything beyond the rain that pelted the windows. He was aware of the driver staring back at him every now and then and was grateful that she hadn't tried to start a conversation with him. He was in no mood for small talk or anything else for that matter. He was tired, anxious, and impatient. The drive out to Jenny's was taking longer than usual due to the weather but that didn't stop him from wishing he'd rented a car of his own to make the journey.

He sighed, feeling weariness in every part of his body. He 'd been running around this last week in DC like a chicken with its head cut off. He hadn't realized how many things needed to be done for a few months away. Not to mention the constant battle with Vance over his leave. It was amazing to him how determine the man was to delay his trip. Gibbs shook his head. It made him angry just thinking about it. He owed Ducky, Abby and his team for running as much interference between him and Director Vance as they did. Surely without them, Gibbs would have shot the man.

_Abby. _

Her name flowed through his mind accompanied by no small amount of guilt. He grimaced every time he remembered the hurt expression on her face when he'd taken out his frustrations on her. She was one of many who'd approached him as he was trying to leave the building to make his flight. All she did was squealed out his name and he'd nearly snapped her head off. Gibbs had never felt more like an ass than he did in that moment when she'd backed away from him, wide-eyed and frightened. All she'd wanted, she'd explained innocently when he finally caught up with her, was just for him to pass along a big Abby hug to Jenny. Gibbs gave himself a mental headslap and opened his arms to Abby. It definitely wasn't the apology she deserved but it was the best he could do at the time. In her usual style, Abby had flung herself into his arms, clinging to him with a tight grip that he had found oddly comforting. And to his own surprise he had found himself holding on to her just as tightly. Gibbs knew, as she gave him one last squeeze before letting go, that she forgave him. It was Abby after all. Still, he felt horrible and knew he would be making it up to her for a long time to come.

The rain had lessened as they reached the road that led to Jenny's home. Gibbs took a deep breath and let it out quietly as the house came into view. He wiped his damp palms against his pant leg. After fighting for weeks to get back here, now that he was here, he was feeling more than a little apprehensive.

The driver pulled up as close as she could get to the door. Gibbs felt his anxiety increase but tried to shake it off as he reached for his wallet. Absently, he handed the driver two large bills, far more than the meter quoted, and ignored the excited declaration of gratitude. Gathering his bags, Gibbs stepped out of the vehicle looking up at the house that loomed in front of him. He walked up the steps and knocked on the door, mentally preparing himself for what awaited him on the other side.

Shockey greeted him first. Gloria wasn't far behind. A hugh grin spread across her face as she approached and she immediately engulfed him in a big bear hug as soon as he stepped inside. He hugged her back, knowing that Gloria had been his lifeline to Jenny, providing him with information when Jenny held back. They had developed an easy rapport over their mutual concern for her stubborn patient and he was sincerely happy to see her.

"Welcome back, Mr. Gibbs."

"Thanks, Gloria," he said releasing her. "Its good to be back." And despite his earlier feelings of apprehension he really was glad to be here. For now, it was where he belonged.

"Everything okay?" he asked, removing the light jacket he donned for the rain.

Gloria shrugged. "As good as can be expected. You know how it is...some days are good, some days are bad."

Gibbs nodded his understanding.

"Where is she?"

"Upstairs resting. I checked on her about twenty minutes ago. I don't think she's asleep if you want to go on up and let her know you're here."

Gibbs gave the dog a good rub. "Has she said anything?"

"No," Gloria sighed. "I tried to get her to talk to me but she just says she's fine." Gloria rolled her eyes skyward. "She _always_ says she's fine. Why don't I take care of your bags while you go on up to see her. Humph, maybe you'll have better luck."

He gave the dog another long stroke before moving towards the stairs, stopping to look back when he heard Gloria call out to him.

"The last few weeks have taken a toll on her. Don't expect too much," she warned.

He gave a curt nod and disappeared up the steps.

He knew from his phone calls with Gloria that the pain was steadily growing worse. The pills she'd been taking previously were no longer helping and while her doctor had wanted to start her on the morphine, Jenny refused. According to Gloria, finding another drug that her immune system could tolerate and that would ease the pain was a lesson in trial and error. They'd finally found one that seemed to work to ease the pain but it also caused more unpleasant symptoms, like nausea and severe headaches. Neither her doctor nor her nurse could understand her absolute refusal to take the morphine but they didn't know how fiercely independent Jenny was. Having to rely on Gloria was bad enough; the morphine would take away the little control she had left and Gibbs knew to Jenny, that would be more sufferable than the pain.

Standing outside her bedroom door, Gibbs reached for the handle and was about to enter when he stopped. Barging into her office while she was working was one thing, entering her bedroom unannounced was quite another. With exaggerated patience, he tapped lightly on the door and waited until he heard the soft "come in" before he entered. After weeks of only hearing her voice, his eyes feasted hungrily on the sight of her sitting propped up against the headboard, holding a book in her lap.

Her eyes widened and a small uncertain smile graced her lips.

"Mind if I come in?" he asked as he leaned against the door.

She nodded and he noted that she too couldn't seem to take her eyes off of him. It took this as a good sign. She lowered her book as he entered the room, closing the door behind him.

"Hi," he said, because suddenly he didn't know what to say.

"Hi, yourself." Her voice was low and raspy and she cleared her throat. "I'd get up but I'm afraid I'd probably just fall back down," she joked, gestering at her legs self-consciously.

Gibbs knew better than to make light of the comment. Her inability to stand or walk for more than a few seconds was a touchy subject that had ended many conversations between them in the last few weeks. Gibbs was still confused about what he'd said wrong.

He moved closer but stopped when he saw the uncertainty stirring again in her eyes.

"How bout I just come down to you?"

His voice was soft, light, but his expression was serious as he regarded her. Her intense green eyes roamed his face; her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. Gibbs could see the internal debate she was having with herself and knew instinctively that whatever he had heard in her voice over the phone had not been imagined. He met her gaze, opening himself up to her scrutiny, willing her to see whatever it was that she needed to see in him. The emotions flashed across her face like a slideshow and it was all Gibbs could do to restrain himself from rushing to her. And although he did restrain himself, he'd be damn if he was going to let her push him away again.

That was not an option he was willing to give her.

"Let me hold you, Jen," he whispered. _Please, _he begged silently with his eyes. Because the desire to touch her, to ease her doubts was nearly overwhelming him.

Her bottom lip began to quiver and her eyes filled with tears. She nodded her head jerkily and held out her arms. It was an invitation he didn't hesitate to accept and he lowered himself beside her on the bed and gathered her to him as gently as he could.

"Hold me tight, Jethro. I won't break," she encouraged brokenly.

And he did.

He held her close, needing to feel her heart beat against his and the warmth of her breath against his cheek. He closed his eyes and breathed in the unique scent of her while tenderly rubbing his hand through her hair, frowning at how thin it felt beneath fingers. Her arms tightened around him as she buried her head in the crook of his neck.

She didn't cry in heart-wrenching sobs that shook her entire being. Instead, her tears were silent as they ran down her cheeks to saturate the collar of his shirt. Gibbs didn't mind. He held her as long as she allowed, marveling at how thin she'd become in the weeks since he'd been gone.

"I'm here baby. I'm here," he whispered soothingly in her ear.

After a while, her breathing slowed and Gibbs wondered if she'd fallen asleep. His back was starting to feel the strain from the awkward position in which he was leaning but he didn't want to disturb her. As if reading his thoughts, she shifted, lifting her head from his neck to whisper tearfully in his ear.

"I'm so glad you're back."

She untangled herself from his arms and leaned back against the bed.

It was his turn to study her, taking in her the gauntness of her skin and the paleness of her face. He lifted his hand to cup her cheek, swiping at an errant tear with his thumb.

"We okay?" He was almost afraid to ask but he needed to know. The distance between them over the phone bothered him and he needed it dealt with now.

Jenny didn't pretend not to know what he meant. She took a deep breath, studying her hands laced together in her lap before she spoke.

"From the beginning when my condition was first diagnosed, the one thing that I was consistently told was that I would experience pain and not the kind of pain Tylenol would fix." She brought her eyes up to meet his. "Do you know what my first thought was?"

He shook his head. "What?"

"That I couldn't let you see me like that." she answered softly. "I don't know why really. I just couldn't stop thinking about how I felt when you were knocked unconscious by that boat explosion. I kept asking the doctor if you were in pain. He said he wouldn't know until you woke. It hurt, physically hurt, to think of you lying there in pain and unable to tell anyone, unable to escape it. I felt so…useless and frustrated. And I…I didn't want to do that to you."

He smiled faintly as he tucked her hair behind her ear. "Protecting me again, Jen," he murmured gently.

Her eyes filled with tears again and she wiped them away, embarrassed. "I know its stupid but I can't help it. It's going to get bad, Jethro, really bad and part of me knows that I don't have the right to ask you to be here for that. But another part of me doesn't want to face this alone. I don't want to die alone and I need you. I know it's selfish but I need you here." Her words ended in a sob and Gibbs once again gathered her in his arms, desperate to give her the reassurance she needed.

"Shhh…baby. It's alright. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

He waited until her grip on his shirt lessened and the shaking in her shoulders subsided before pulling away.

"Hey," he called softly, making sure he had her full attention. "I want you to listen to me, okay? You didn't ask me to be here, Jen. I came because I wanted to. I needed to be here with you as much as you need me here and I'm here for the duration, understand? I won't let you face this alone. Do you hear me?"

She nodded. "Yes."

He could hear the relief in her voice and wondered just what kind of hell she'd been putting herself through with her doubts these past few weeks.

"Besides, I should be thanking you," he continued.

Confusion marred her brow. "For what?"

Gibbs reached for her hand and held it to his lips.

"For keeping your promise to be here when I got back."

His voice cracked as the words fell from his lips. Jenny raised her other hand to caress his cheek. Her green eyes glistened but no tears fell as she murmured, "it was the least I could do."

"I love you, Jen."

The words were out before he was aware he was going to say them. He watched her eyes widened at his admission and Gibbs realized that even though he didn't mean to say them, he meant them. He loved her and they'd wasted too much time already for him not to say them to her.

"Jethro, we're both pretty emotional right now. You don't have to say you...you love me just because…"

He put a finger to her lips, silencing her words. "I said it because it's true. I love you."

She gave him a long hard look and he thought she was about to argue with him again but instead her lips curved into a smile.

"I love you, too," she told him affectionately. "I only wish…"

"No," he said sternly cutting her off again, "no regrets Jen. No looking back. From now on we go forward" a lump formed in his throat as he whispered, "for however long we have."

She lifted his hand and intertwined it with her own.

"For however long," she agreed.

Gibbs felt the lump grow a little bigger and swallowed hard, forcing himself not to think about it. Instead he focused on Jenny, touching her hair and then her face. His eyes followed the movement of his hands as they smoothed down her cheeks to her chin and then onto her neck. Each touch a loving caress. His eyes moved up to hers and she smiled shyly, snuggling into his touch.

"I feel cherished," she murmured.

"You are," he replied, his voice low.

She blushed and gave his hand a weak yank. "Come, lie beside me."

Gibbs didn't hesitate. He kicked off his shoes and did as instructed, making sure Jenny was comfortable before settling back against the bed. He lifted his arm to put about her shoulders and gave her a questioning look. She settled against him and Gibbs took the moment to hug her close, closing his eyes against the wave of emotion that hit out of the blue.

He cleared his throat before he spoke.

"The hug's from Abby. She told me to tell you she really misses you. Ducky sends his love. Shalom is from Ziva and McGee says hi."

Jenny played with the buttons his shirt. "That's sweet. I will call them soon if I'm up to it."

He smoothed his hand down her arm and pressed a light kiss in her hair.

"And who is that from?" she asked teasingly looking up at him, "Tony?"

Gibbs snorted. "Naw, that's from me." He raised his hand and gently tapped her on the back of the head. "That's from DiNozzo."

She laughed and it sounded like music to his ears.

"Ah…the Gibbs form of affection," she quipped. "It's good to know I still rate."

He leaned forward, tipping her chin up so she could see the seriousness in his eyes. "You rate, Jen. You're important to all of us."

"I know that," she paused and then added, "now."

"So," said Gibbs after a comfortable moment of silence, "you wanna talk about it?"

"Bout what?" she mumbled against his shirt.

"Your visit to the Doctor's office this morning?"

She tensed and tried to rise but Gibbs held her still against him.

"No."

"Jen..."

"There's nothing to talk about, Jethro. The cancer is spreading faster and my time is getting shorter," she said coolly. "Nothing I hadn't already expected."

"Expecting it doesn't make it any easier to hear," he replied carefully.

"No, no it doesn't," she agreed quietly. She shifted to look at him. "But having you here makes it bearable."

Gibbs breath caught in his throat at the look of love shining out of her glimmering green orbs. The watery smile she offered him wavered and then vanished completely as his mouth descended on hers. Pusle racing, he waited, giving her plenty of time to pull away if she so wanted. He needn't had worried. From the moan that escaped her as she pressed her lips firmly against his, he knew pulling away was the last thing wanted.

With a skill that left her breathless, he eased his tongue pass her lips to dwelve inside to taste the sweet silkiness of her mouth. He dipped, nipped and explored every crevice, pouring his heart and soul into the kiss that could very well be their last. Selfishly, his mouth seduced her with his lips and his tongue, swallowing her moans as he deepened their connection. He drowned himself in the sensation of her, knowing they needed to stop but lacking the power to pull away. His tongue intimately possessed hers, caressing it with a tenderness that had her trembling in his arms and straining against him. He wanted her badly but both of them knew this was as far as it could go. Eventually the need for air forced them apart, both struggling to control their breathing. Gibbs leaned forward for one more taste, planting flowery kisses on her chin, her cheeks, and her eyes, tasting the saltiness of her tears.

"Hey," he murmured, "what's this?" he asked wiping the wetness from her face.

She raised quivering fingers up to trace the outline of his jaw. Her lips, still swollen from his kiss, pressed together to keep her emotions at bay.

At last she spoke.

"I didn't think I would ever feel this again."

"What?" he questioned.

"Desired. Sexy," she paused, then added, "Beautiful."

Gibbs took her hand in his and lightly kissed each fingertip.

"You are beautiful, Jen."

Her soft chuckle was filled with disbelief.

"Well, I don't know about that but I thank you for making me feel this way."

"Your welcome," he whispered before taking her mouth and engaging her in another short kiss.

She snuggled into him, sighing contently when they parted. Gibbs could see the droopiness of her eyes and knew that she was wearing out. Truth be told, he too, could use some rest after his weeks of endless nights, not to mention being slightly jet-lagged from the plane ride. Jenny covered her mouth as she yawned and Gibbs smiled.

He placed his lips against her temple.

"Hey, get some rest. I'll still be here when you wake."

"Hmmm…promise?" she mumbled drowsily as he arranged them more comfortably in the bed.

"Promise," he whispered back but could tell from the sound of her breathing that she was already asleep.

TBC


End file.
